Can i marry a sunni girl

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husain1982
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:42 am

Can i marry a sunni girl

#1

Unread post by husain1982 » Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:57 am

hello everybody,

I am a bohra guy of 27 yrs age and by profession I am a telecom engineer.I have a family of 4 member mom, dad my younger brother. My family is very simple, middle class n very relifious and has a very strong belief in our Aqua moula.

Few months back i met a sunni girl on social networking site we chatted for a month and we clicked.Then we met and we fall in love.In a very less time our relationship grew very strong. We used to talk almost whole day and in very short time we started planning for our future and marriage. It felt miraculous that in a two months time the relationship become so strong.
The girl loved me so much that i never felt so much love ever, she is very caring,understanding,educated,smart, and everything wat i wanted in my life partner.

But my family is very orthodox. Since i was not going to see any girls for arranged marriage they opened a quran faal in which they came to knew that i am in affair so one day the asked me and i told them about us but their reaction was very bad. My entire family went against me.

When i was adamant they opened another quran faal in which it was predicted very bad for us after our marriage. Now they are against our marriage.

We both have break down and lost our hopes in life. What should i do now. Please can anybody help.

I dont want to leave my family and my community but at the same time i dont want to loose her.

East Africawalla
Posts: 374
Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#2

Unread post by East Africawalla » Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:24 am

My personal view is if you really love her you should marry her but to keep peace in your family and keep parents happy get her to agree to convert and get married in Bohras, if she really loves you she will go with it. This is my advice

S. Insaf
Posts: 1494
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#3

Unread post by S. Insaf » Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:54 am

Practice of Marriage was decided during holy Prophet's and Hazrat Ali's time when there was the concept of Muslim and Muslim only and there were no divisions on the basis of Shia, Sunni, Khojas, Bohras etc, which emerged much later.
Qur’an allows inter-religion marriage and commands that Muslims can marry girls from the "Ahle-Kitab" (followers of Prophets like Moses, Jesus) i.e. Jews and Christians. Remember that there were no Hindus in Arabia during their times so the Hindus are not included in this list.

Again during Dawoodi Bohra Dais before 51st Dai Nikahs of Dawoodi Bohras were performed by Sunni Qazis and were held legitimate.
The Hindus are believers though their method of worship is different like those of Christians and Jews. They can not be put in the catogary of Kafir (non-believers).

Many court cases were fought against our 51st Dai as he claimed for the first time that the Nikahs of Dawoodi Bohras performed by Qazis other than Dawoodi Bohra Qazis are illegitimate and his claim was rejected by all the courts and he had to retreat. Most famous cases in this regards are “Abde-Fatema Nikah Case" and "Buxa Moosa Dadhi case".

accountability
Posts: 1640
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#4

Unread post by accountability » Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:42 am

You know brother, it is a tough nut to crack. what about her parents, are they for it. if they are , then give your relationship some time to cool down.

last year my son told me that he has a girl friend, and he wanted me to talk to her. I have kept very friendly relationship with him. I have always said that he needs not to be afraid of me, neither i need any sacrifice from him to be my son. we talked for a while without letting my wife know, she is very religious. I gave him the same advice. He is 21 years old, and is in university. I advised him to complete his education, let the time pass by, and after his education if he still feels the same way, then we will go from there. it has been a year, I dont know if he is still seeing her, because usually our phone will show that she called.

MY uncle is married to a punjabi lady from lahore since last 40 years, it was a big taboo in that time, but all is well, she took misaq and seldom goes to masjid, but their kids are brought up in our environment, they are married too in our community.
you can happily be married to a person with whom you can form a lasting bond.

You should respect your family and try not to hurt them, but your family should also listen to your aspirations at the same time. it is your life and you have every right to take decision for yourself. What you have to do is show courage, talk straight forward to your parents. Do not announce your decision in a go. Give them a cooling period too. during the time talk occassionally and in a very soft manner convey your decision. But first i would suggest to give your relationship some time to nurture and understand. let her talk to her parents, if her parents are supportive it will be really good for you both.

Aarif
Posts: 1426
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#5

Unread post by Aarif » Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:17 pm

Husain,

My 2 cents..

Since, you are madly in luv with the girl and think that she is the right partner for you goahead and marry her. Parents however opposed and against may be, will eventually accept your relationship. I feel that it is very difficult to find a right partner these days. Since, you have found one don't let her go. If she is willing to convert into dawoodi bohra it is OK. But if not it should be OK as well. I have heard that if a sunni girl marries in our community than she has to take misaq as well say laanat on the first three khalifas and accept Moulana Ali as the only rightous khalifa. Not only that, her parents also have to go through this. I am not sure whether the girl's parents will agree to go through this humiliation. The bottom line is there is really no intermediate solution available in this case that will satisfy both the parties (i.e. you-girl and parents). So if you really love the girl than develop some balls and marry her. If you can't do that than let her go as you cannot eat the cake and have it too..

East Africawalla
Posts: 374
Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#6

Unread post by East Africawalla » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:23 pm

HUSAIN,

Do not get scared by Arif , nothing like that happens , your Girlfriend and her parents will be treated well.

I have a few of my relatives who have married other community partners and have done Nikaah in our community and they had no problems.

Typical Arif speaking from his A**********

Aarif
Posts: 1426
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#7

Unread post by Aarif » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:45 pm

I have a few of my relatives who have married other community partners and have done Nikaah in our community and they had no problems.
Sister EA,

Did your relatives marry sunni muslims??? I personally know a bohri guy who got married to Sunni muslim girl just 5 months back. He had to get his nikah done from a muslim Qazi. The reason being the one I have mentioned in my previous post. Our bohri janaab kept the terms and conditions that I have mentioned in front of him. He told the boy that his would be wife will have to give misaq, say lanat against 3 khalifas and also her parents will have to do the same. The girl's father being a staunch sunni muslim obviously disagreed. The result is that my friend is yet to go through our community nikah. But since he is legally married as per Islam and his wife is already expecting a child, he has given up on this community nikah thing and has decided not to do it atall instead of getting in all this trouble.

PS: By using abusive language you are setting a real bad example for colorful rida wearing ortho bohri women...

accountability
Posts: 1640
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#8

Unread post by accountability » Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:07 pm

Arif is right, they do ask for misaq and in case of sunni muslim to denounce their faith. It is moronic, but what can you expect from ignorant and idiot amils. It is more pathetic, because one of my friend's daughter got married to hindu person, they did not ask him to denounce faith or do anything except to take misaq, but in case of sunni muslim somehow they are very strigent.

Muslim First
Posts: 6893
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2001 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#9

Unread post by Muslim First » Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:13 pm

Br. Insaf wrote:
The Hindus are believers though their method of worship is different like those of Christians and Jews. They can not be put in the catogary of Kafir (non-believers).
Not to distract from present subject please study meaning of Kafir from Islamic doctrinal sense
From Wikipedia I found the following:

." In the Islamic doctrinal sense, the term refers to a person who does not recognize God (Allah) or the prophethood of Muhammad (i.e., any non-Muslim) or who hides, denies, or covers the "truth". In cultural terms, it is seen as a derogatory term[1] used to describe an unbeliever, non-Muslims, apostate from Islam and even between Muslims of different sects. You have to keep in mind that the spirit of Quran uses the word equaly for Moslims, in Sura 2 Verse 256, it is asking Moslims to take upon themselves the action of "Kofr" of all unjust idols, persons or powers. It is usually translated into English as "unbeliever" "ungrateful" or "obliterator."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kafir
Read on

Further discussion can be carried under proper subject and in proper forum.
Wasalaam

Muslim First
Posts: 6893
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2001 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#10

Unread post by Muslim First » Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:02 pm

If they decide to marry then they should go ahead. Since girl is Muslim she should not be forced adopt Bohra sect but they should decide ahead of time how they are going to raise their children, Sunni or Bohra.
Wasalaam

ozmujaheed
Posts: 889
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:14 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#11

Unread post by ozmujaheed » Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:04 pm

Husain

Go ahead and Marry with all the dignity the Marriage is Sunnah and you can marry anyone who believes in the Quran and the Prophet.

Corrections for those who think otherwise. Muslims can marry anyone (ahlul Kitab or not) as long as after marriage the person accepts and converts to Islam.

Whether an Amil or Kazi performs the Nikkah proceed at both of your convenience.
But brother be careful that you perform an Islamic nikkah at your earliest as flirting or justification that you are engaged or courting or any bodily contact, touching or kissing without Nikkah is haram.

If you want Bohras to be happy you can also do so ritually because whichever comes first your Nikkah will be valid. Your children will be born Muslims. Amil is considered a Muslim as long as he follows basic Islamic fundamentals and does not associate anyone with Allah.

About your parents or her parents agreeing or disagreeing make an attempt to get them to agree but do not be discouraged because in Allahs consideration you are not committing a sin.

You will have cultural battles to fight but your love and belief in the Prophet's religion will give you strength and look around you many Millions have prospered and overcome similar challenges.

TBG
Posts: 51
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:12 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#12

Unread post by TBG » Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:33 pm

Dear Brother Husain,

I think the first question you have to ask yourself, is that are you marrying because you are simply in love with the girl and because religiously you think she is the right person for you. I think this makes a big difference in how you want to handle the situation.

A very important question is how religious is she in the sense will she convert to be a bohri so she can marry you or she is not going to leave her way because she thinks she is right?

If you dont want to loose your community then there is only one option. that is to let her take the misaq, because within the community there is no other way you can marry her.

On the other hand if the girl is happy to convert ( take the misaq ) then i guess your problem is solved. Then what you would want to think about is
1) Will her parents agree ( as her father will have to be the wali and take the oath and go through our kind of ceremony)
2) Once she converts does she want to follow the bohra stream or is this for name sake
3) Will her parents have issues if she starts following the bohra stream.
4) Will your parents force her to be like a bohra and learn all the traditions and customs.

I am not sure what your religious ambitions are, but do think through carefully. If you ever consider to marry outside the community i.e nikah via a sunni imam then do let me know, i will be able to share from my experience.

AOA.

husain1982
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:42 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#13

Unread post by husain1982 » Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:37 am

dear all,

Thanks a lot to everybody for thier suggestions and views.

but i want to mention one more thing is that she is ready to convert to bohra for me and ready to do all the adjustments in life for me as she loves me lot.Also their parents are not so religious and want only one condition that the guy should be muslim and can be of any caste.

In some way i any how convinced my parents also but they opened a quran faal from some miyasaab who is very famous. As per the miyasaab that girl will get convert and theire parents will be happy intially but later there will be lot of problems in my life it will be worst than hell. I will go in their family and their parents will file a case against us coz of which not only my family will be in problem but also our entire caste and Aqua moula.He says that i can give this is written after all is your wish.He says that i will be in lot of trouble.

Even after this i don want to loose that girl. Now i don believe in dis but i believe that allah will solve the problem and I believe in allah.Can someone predict such things but few things he predicted earlier was true.Now after this my family is too reluctant and are more worried. In any case they dont want me to do this.

wasallam

mmv
Posts: 60
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 12:16 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#14

Unread post by mmv » Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:48 am

Salam All,

What about the Quran fall he mentioned..?

should he go ahead with the marriage inspite of Quan fall predicted very bad for them after their marriage.?
Please Help him out in this matter as i think it is most concern to them... if the life after Marriage goes good then no Problem
But if there is a bad then then both will suffer and the boy will regret of going against Quran fall.

mutmaeen
Posts: 265
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:36 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#15

Unread post by mutmaeen » Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:51 am

ro hussain

if at all u decide to marry the girl you love all she would be required to do is give mithak-she will not be required to send any laanats neither will her parents be asked to do so

and if an adult can choose whom he loves he should also choose whom he marries-u cant bring in parents as a reason not to marry if the love is genuine

East Africawalla
Posts: 374
Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#16

Unread post by East Africawalla » Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:37 am

Husain,

My view is marry her and as she loves you that she will do Misaq and marry in Bohra customs than go for it.

I am concerned that your family is too deep in the Faal business, leave it on Allah what happens in the future , have faith

Hussain_KSA
Posts: 874
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#17

Unread post by Hussain_KSA » Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:37 am

Brother Mutamaen and Brother EAW are right. Only the girl will be asked to give meesaque and her parents will not be harrassed. No body can dare to ask any sunni muslim either girl or her parents to send laanat as they know the consequences.

Hussain, you should go ahead. As far as fal from Quran is concerned is not valid as various sects has different interpretation of Quran. It is un islamic totally. However, as per bohra tradition they do some dramas. If you go to same miya saheb and open the pages of Quran, ask him to translate and do some tafseer and you will realize his capabilities.

I have few friends who were married by Qazi when they were in reformist fold and later gave meesaque in order to rejoin the community. All of them are enjoying the life and prosperity.

If both of you love each other and your chemistry matches than don't worry about anything. No one can predict a future. It is all hearsay about fal and miracles.

accountability
Posts: 1640
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#18

Unread post by accountability » Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:35 am

Hussain: do not get confused by so called miyasahab. Tell your parents to ask him one question, what is the girl's name. if they had not told him already. or in that case tell them to ask the name of one of her parent. I am sure he will never be able to find the name. so he is a fraud. If he cant find something that is in present, how can he tell about anythig that has yet to happen. it is just bullshit. you are an educated man, dont believe in this ignorant rant. Have faith in Allah, only he knows. Have faith in yourself.

on a side note, this is exploitation of religion, and our faith. therefore we need to reform and have accountability and stop these miyasahabs from ruining lives in the name of religion.

ozmujaheed
Posts: 889
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:14 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#19

Unread post by ozmujaheed » Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:25 pm

In some way i any how convinced my parents also but they opened a quran faal from some miyasaab who is very famous. As per the miyasaab that girl will get convert and theire parents will be happy intially but later there will be lot of problems in my life it will be worst than hell. I will go in their family and their parents will file a case against us coz of which not only my family will be in problem but also our entire caste and Aqua moula.He says that i can give this is written after all is your wish.He says that i will be in lot of trouble.
This is a lot of crap..faal..family and AM will be in problem...is this a disguise to discourage you ? If so tell yoiur Amil to come up with a better excuse such as tamne Mola ni Raza nathi ! I did not realise this Quran faal was such a common practise in Bohras...suddenly not only is Mr B who can forecast futunes and destiny every tom dick and harry Jamia graduate. This is total dis-respect to use Quran Auwoo Zubillah and associate the sacred book to pagan like voodoo fortune telling. Can you imagine what if the amil is wrong he will say ohh don't blame me I even used the Quran.

mumin
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Dec 12, 2000 5:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#20

Unread post by mumin » Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:56 pm

Mr Hussain; To answer your question I would like you to read a book. The name of the book is "The Heirs of MUHAMMAD" and is written by Barnaby Rogerson. This book is readily available in the local libraries of the U.S. Perhaps if anyone else has read this book then maybe we can have a discussion on this forum.

Fatwa Banker
Posts: 697
Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#21

Unread post by Fatwa Banker » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:44 pm

Husain1982,
Can I marry a Sunni girl
That is a loaded question as the obvious answer is of course you can, if you are man enough to. The real question you are asking is “Am I man enough to do this ?” Only you can answer that question, because if you are a wimp and are relying on your dad’s business for income as most Bohri men do, then you can’t…just bag the cash and run from this woman. If you have the wherewithal to stand on your own, then go for it.
she is ready to convert to bohra for me and ready to do all the adjustments in life for me as she loves me lot
What have you done for her ? It appears that she should move on if you are still dickin’ around with faal crap.

From what you have described she appears to be a keeper, don’t ruin it. I wish you both the best…..

jayanti
Posts: 268
Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#22

Unread post by jayanti » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:15 pm

Husein 1982 let me tell u one thing if u love her go and marry her u dont need to bring this issue on this board when u fell in love with her did u came and ask to this board that its okay to fell love with her or did u ask their permission.....you are old enough to make your decision.where u start and where it went :D
Good luck!!!!

candela
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#23

Unread post by candela » Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:14 am

Assalaamu alaikum Husain!

Thanks for sharing your story w/ us; I hope things work out well in the end insha-Allah! Just some notes:

1) Insha-Allah you take faith and religion very seriously, and you'd wish the same on the Sunni girl you're interested in. Thus, we should not insult faith and religion (of the Sunnis or of the Dawoodi Bohras, or of any others) by making it something we can just switch around willy-nilly based on love. What I'm saying is that if religion is important to you two, don't ask the girl to convert her whole belief system just so she can marry you. She should believe what she thinks is right and true, not what will allow her to marry you. Urge her to think carefully about the decision...

2) Insha-Allah this situation is a great blessing for you, Alhamdulillah! The way I see it, this situation will help you think about your attraction to the girl and the Dawoodi Bohra faith/culture. It might help you see that there might be something wrong with the culture or religion of the Dawoodi Bohras (because, you might conclude, this predicament is truly a non-issue in Islam, where any two Muslims can freely marry because their deen is essentially the same). Or you might conclude that the Dawoodi Bohra faith is perfect and hence your attraction must be flawed. It's important to think about what the case may be...

ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#24

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Sun Jul 12, 2009 5:52 am

This reminds me of a similar incident around a year back in Poona wherein a bohra boy from a well known family fell in love with a maharashtrian hindu girl and the girl had to convert to bohraism for a proper bohra nikah. The nikah was performed by a certain amil from bombay but before that the girl had to take 'misak'. During the misak ceremony the girl was totally traumatized and in tears when the amil took misak with due translation because she had never expected the kind of rigid and stringent oaths that she was bound to take and the type of punishment that was allegedly in store for her if at all she betrayed Burhanudin saab or bohraism. As she loved the boy honestly she had no option but to undergo the trials albeit reluctantly. Now although she has become a bohra she follows the religion more out of compulsion rather then conviction only for the sake of her loved one.

Muslim First
Posts: 6893
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2001 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#25

Unread post by Muslim First » Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:04 am

Marriage to sunni girl topic is a simple question.

Bohra boy is a Muslim and girl is Muslim and she dose not have to convert.

I am a Sunni and I can marry a girl following all 5 Madhabs
.
One of my close relative married a Iranian non religious Shia Muslim girl and Nikah was performed by Iranian Mullah. It was typical Iranian ceremony including large portrait of Ali RA in prominent place. A Quran was placed on Bride and grooms head. She would not know if it was Quran or some other book.

In short “Miya Bibi Raaji to kya karega Kaazi?” Parents of groom are religious but said that when her time comes she will find religion. I really think why Hussain is making fuss. Even if it is not necessary, the girl is willing to become Bohra, het parents do not mind and his parents should be pleased. If the girl is required to curse the three then so be it. Cursing does not make any difference. 2 are right next to the Prophet and the third is not far away. All 3 were promised Jannah by Prophet.

Wasalaam

ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#26

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:29 am

Muslim First wrote:Cursing does not make any difference. 2 are right next to the Prophet and the third is not far away. All 3 were promised Jannah by Prophet.
Bro Muslim First,

Now see how this thread gets diverted and reduced to laanats and its justifications thereof by certain vested interests on this forum.

jawanmardan
Posts: 398
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#27

Unread post by jawanmardan » Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:02 am

ghulam muhammed wrote:
Muslim First wrote:Cursing does not make any difference. 2 are right next to the Prophet and the third is not far away. All 3 were promised Jannah by Prophet.
Bro Muslim First,

Now see how this thread gets diverted and reduced to laanats and its justifications thereof by certain vested interests on this forum.
Asking a Sunni to curse the three of the Rashidun Caliphs is a little extreme, since her conversion is motivated by love rather than conviction.

I would ask a qualified religious leader in your community about the process of conversion.

You shouldn't place credence on superstitious predictions trouble, although Inter-religious marriages inevitably entail greater trials and difficulties, an open honest communication between you both about what you want and feel about the best course of action is essential, I too am engaged to a Sunni marriage is all about "communication", more so in this situation.

good luck!

ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#28

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:46 pm

jawanmardan wrote: would ask a qualified religious leader in your community about the process of conversion.
Bro Jawanmardan,

One has to take an oath of allegiance (misak) wherein the dai (Burhanudin saab) becomes the sole trustee of his/her body and soul. Any betrayal on his/her part leads to alleged tormentous punishment after death. Hence he/she relinquishes the right to live as per ones choice. For further querries you can refer to the translation of misak on another thread on this forum.

Fatwa Banker
Posts: 697
Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 4:01 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#29

Unread post by Fatwa Banker » Sat Jul 18, 2009 11:06 pm

One has to take an oath of allegiance (misak) wherein the (Quran) becomes the sole trustee of his/her body and soul. Any betrayal on his/her part leads to alleged tormentous punishment after death. Hence he/she relinquishes the right to live as per ones choice. For further queries you can refer to the translation of (Quran) on another thread on this forum.

Your point is ?

husain1982
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:42 am

Re: Can i marry a sunni girl

#30

Unread post by husain1982 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:43 am

thanx everybody for their suggestion n i have taken my decision.......so please stop this thread as it is going wrong way