New Rules..!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

[no. 53.
with immediate effect, under the farmaan Mubarak of aali qadr manhoos mufaddal mola, all jamatkhanas and markaz’s shall begin conversion to theatre/cinema type halls with designated seating, controlled entry and exit points, large cinema screens, the latest in projection equipment and wherever possible, into 3d imax type sophisticated halls with dolby, cinemascope, and in larger cities into multiplexes. this will allow sale of tickets for every miqaat, majlis, urus, bayan and screening of documentaries on mola’s travels and also his divine family. although plum seats and choice rows will be reserved for the privileged shaikhs, mullas, committee members, amil saab and his family etc, the rest of the hoi-polloi will have the choice to choose their seats for one event or the entire season. these halls will have 21st century technological capability to convert into prayer halls when seats will fold into the ground and a qibla will rise from the stage. This arrangement will also allow all dues to be collected at the ticket booth where high speed computers will raise red flags when monies are due. This project is being refined and designs streamlined to suit both large and small complexes. more as deep throat reveals them, inshallah.....]

something on similar lines, though not exactly as described above has already happened in ottawa, canada's capital. call it coincidence or design, but the bohra markaz in ottawa is actually a stand-alone building which was a former bank premises. it has plenty of parking front and back and wonder of wonders, there still exists an ATM drive through! i jokingly mentioned to the amil there that they could make good use of it by asking all members to compulsorily drive through it, their ejamaat cards at the ready, and lo and behold, their wajebaat dues and salaams could be automatically debited without any fuss or hassles. he smiled, but i could see that he wasn't too pleased with my sarcasm! although, i now realise that i may actually have given him ideas!

[Safiuddin]

Hmmm. Quite a potential for many rapid financial transactions - all under the guise of a "religious organization". The racket is really well established, too:
2 khaaras, bay mithaas, a cathartic event, and socializing with bayraawo ad nauseum.

They come for miles around and pay an admission fee. Not bad entertainment - and just for
a short time, they can pretend that they really ARE blissfully happy. For a short time they can forget that they
are trapped within a highly dangerous cult- and a life fully and completely controlled by merchant Hindu converts to Islam.
On major University campuses across the US, bohri youth are being coerced to hold meetings, pray namaaz together, meet with the local
amil, etc. Pretty soon even college kids at school will have to beg razaa just to defecate. Perhaps, to organize such an undertaking, they'll recruit Mr. Nalwala,
if you get my drift.

I must say, TUS and the TUS Alikes have perfected the manhoos act of exploitation. Thank you so much for these
insightful updates, Great One Al Zulfiqar! I love reading your work.

[humanbeing]

AZ
Rules you are penning down here, are present and past happenings rather then future outcomes. The difference is few are realizing these new developments are more regressive rather then so called advancement. Kothari Inc is using technology to keep common bohras backward and tangled in world of illusion of Mojizas and Moh-Mayaa !

This Ramadan on the Night of Lailalut Qadr was spent in video relays of sayedna saheb’s previous commentaries and repeated bayaans and parading of sayedna sahib in front of people. It was sad to see night of lailatul qadr turned into a human worship fair. Such was the illusion that some prayers were not completed on the night of Lailatul Qadr .

Amil rushed up prayers at nth hour finally declared that, its getting late and time to pack up. Khidmatguzar were ordered to start preparing to distribute thaals. Frenzy followed and people formed chaotic circles and Nizaam was thrown out of the door, every thaal watching for its own convenience. Started taking away thaals from khidmatguzars and helping themselves. Everyone ate in hurry as deadlines was only few minutes away. It was frustrating and saddening to see Kuwait bohra community turn into such a mess. This chaos is becoming regular at end of mikaats. Be it Ashura, Lailatul Qadr, Sayedna’s salgirah etc.

[zulfikar123]

This things have become so well coordinated that it has happened everywhere.

[bohraji]

Why is Nalwalla being dragged into every conversation unnecessarily.
You must have noticed that he is not active anymore. There can be many reasons for that. He might have been reprimanded by his Amil and so he decided to stay low. Or perhaps he has now realised that things are really wrong. He always is the one to call a spade a spade. And lately his posts suggests that he was being quite fair in his judgements.
We should respect his awakening. Just like another abde whom I do not want to name. He has disapeared. It took time for them to accept facts as they are, now give them time to contemplate and think.
There is a gentleman from Ahmedabad who was opposed to the poverty thread and refuted everything. Now he has started helping poor bohras in Ahmedabad on his own .
May God bless him and bless us all.

[Al Zulfiqar]

the abde fanatics are conspicous by their absence on this thread, which is perhaps all the more poignant because they have seen the veracity of 'deep throat's reports.

so many of the 'rules' posted on this thread have been precursors to actual practices of the kothar which followed, sometimes after mere weeks, sometimes after months, and some of them have not yet been implemented, but happen they will for sure.

the authenticity and truthfulness of these reports is due to the fact that 'deep throat' is no ordinary individual in the saifee mahal hieararchy, but a highly influential potentate who is part of the HPC of the DEH (high powered committee of the dawate e hadiyah). he sits in on most secret meetings which take far-reaching decisions on the future of this community; how to tighten their grip, how to raise taxes and innovate new ones, how to create new religious rituals, traditions and dogmas, how to create ingenious stratagems based on clever deceptions on islam and bohra deen etc etc., how to glorify the dai and his family even further, formulate PR strategies and fend off their detractors.

there are those 'insiders' like progticide, adam and other kothari moles who will of course vehemently disagree and even attempt to cast aspersions on me and the 'rules', there will be a massive witch hunt, but rest assured, 'deep throat's identity is safe. no finger of suspicion will ever point at him.

[Al Zulfiqar]

watch this space folks. 'deep throat' is sending me some new revelations shortly...

[Al Zulfiqar]

rule no 55.

deep throat advises me that the HPC of the DEH (high powered committee of the dawat e hadiyah) has realised that they have to move forward post-haste and incorporate the latest state-of-the-art technology into their organisational, fund raising and propaganda machinery and systems. the future lies in capturing the imagination of the younger generation and making it fun and easy for them to not only participate in jamaat activities but also willingly part with their money as the monetary reigns of power shift into their hands from the old guard. thus some bright young minds from the cosa nostra (saifee mahal) family who were sent abroad to elite institutions like Harvard, Stanford, MIT and the London School of Economics have been recruited upon their return to pool their ideas and these are some of the suggestions they have come up with for implementation in the first phase:

i) The vazarat is in talks with several leading international banks, viz. Citibank, Bank of America, State Bank of India, Bank of Baroda, TD Bank of Canada, RBC, Barclays etc to devise a co-branded credit card for the abde community. Once all arrangements have been confirmed, it will become mandatory for every bohra to have this RFID readable card. This card will supersede the ejamaat card and the ITS cards. All relevant info of every abde/amte will be on this card. Annual fees will be 552 USD in the west, 25,553 RS in India and 53,000 rs in Pakistan, with equivalent amounts in other countries.
ii) Your card will be automatically scanned and read, i.e. amounts deducted for dues. Since these will be RFID cards, you do not have to remove them, just have them on your person.
iii) Your tel SIM cards will be linked for payments with the BMCC (Burhani Muffy credit card) and can also be used for automatic scanning and payments. These will be prepaid cards, and you have to keep a ‘wallet’ balance on it of atleast a 1000 $ at any time.
iv) Vazarat is also in talks with leading telecom service providers around the world and every abde will have to compulsorily subscribe and obtain SIM cards from vazarat through their local jamaat in every bilad, vatan and moze’.
v) Wherever you travel, you just have to wave your smartphone in front of chip readers and lo’ and behold, the gates will open, khul ja sim sim, raza will be granted, the necessary payments debited and your room allocated, thaal designated and place of seating reserved.
vi) Now that these arrangements are in place, every bohra will have to pay a fee for entering any roza, dargah and sanitorium with his phone. You cannot hide your phone or credit card.
vii) After paying this additional fee, you may allow your relatives and family to do ziyarat remotely by means of them reciting dua, fateha, salwat over your phone and you can also take a short video or audio recording with your phone, but upto max 15 seconds only. If you overstep this time limit, (there will be cc tv cameras providing blanket coverage) your phone could be seized, sim and bmcc cancelled, or alternatively you will have to contribute a fakhir rakam in hoob as penalty for your gunaah.
viii) With this smartphone and bmcc card technology, any abde can send an arzi into hazrate aaliyah imamiyah qudsaniya burhaniya wa mufaddaliya, by entering his unique password before sending his sms. Every jamaat will have powerful servers and routers which will process, debit the necessary payment from abde’s account and frwd the text to vazarat. The reply will be channeled via the same route in return.
ix) Abdes will now have access to easy remittance of fakhir najwas, although the direct salaams to imamuz -zaman might take some time to set up, search for the imam being under process. The mazoon has graciously offered to undertake this collection until such time that the imamuzzaman is found, but quid Johnny has vigorously protested and taken up the responsibility on himself.
x) With advanced GPS tracking technology and live monitoring, every abde/amte and their naunihals will have the satisfaction of knowing that they are fully protected and traceable at all times. Thus abdes who visit exotic locales such as the Caribbean, Mexico, Alaska, Iceland etc where bohras do not reside, will receive a travel advisory warning them that they would have been safer visiting India and doing ziyarat of raudat tahera instead. Ignoring these warnings will result in the usual strictures and penalties; mafinama, misaq, fakhir salaams and demotion in ranks whereby you could be stripped of your titles and relegated to the last saf + compulsory duty as a Burhani guard, scout or band master for 3 months.
xi) Regular deeni quiz competitions will be held by sending out mass text messages, this will comprise questions on the qasre aali and baite zaini, their names, titles, their positions in an abde’s life, knowledge of miqaats, the dai’s life history, when did he travel on the QE2, concorde airliner, when he met the mayor of roissy, a suburb of paris and so on. I hope members get the drift. There will be attractive prizes for anyone who is the first to reply correctly.
xii) Kothar is also working on setting up its own exclusive bohratube sort of site where bohras after obtaining raza mubarak, can post video clips reciting their own madehs, marsiyas and compositions in shaanat of mola. videos can also include showing how they have decorated their homes in preparation for mola’s salgirah, their readiness and devotion during ayyam al tabuddat, how they follow mola’s every farmaan and eating from faize burhani dabbas etc. children will get special mention and parents will be encouraged to show their farzando paying obeisance to mola and his photos, creating greeting cards and saving money in specially designed maulai piggy banks, money which the masoom kids will send in as najwa for bewe mola. the best video clip of the month will be rewarded with a personal bethak and kadambosi for the creators, and mola will grant them mafsuhiyat on nominal salaam of 5,52,300 rs.
xiii) A bbm type of service is also proposed, wherein any bohra from anywhere in the aalam will be able to communicate with any other abde bohra on this secure network, completely free. Several countries like india and Pakistan have objected to this exclusive service and are demanding that kothar provide the encryption keys. It is widely expected that these and other countries will drop their demands on humanitarian grounds when the old, infirm and innocent mola is presented to them on a palkhi.

Many other innovative and highly technological suggestions and proposals are being considered, some of them quite path-breaking and pioneering in this field. Deep throat informs me that the recently deceased hoze’, brother of muffy mola who is communicating with him from heaven, is in touch there with the late Steve Jobs and has employed him at astronomical figures. both are working on cutting edge science to keep us abde bohras way ahead of all the cults in the world. Deep throat has heard top-secret reports that Google, Microsoft, RIM and Samsung are also on kothar’s payroll for this purpose.

Keep watching this thread folks as more revolutionary developments are in the works.

[Bori85]

quote="Al Zulfiqar"]rule no 55.

With advanced GPS tracking technology and live monitoring, every abde/amte and their naunihals will have the satisfaction of knowing that they are fully protected and traceable at all times. Thus abdes who visit exotic locales such as the Caribbean, Mexico, Alaska, Iceland etc where bohras do not reside, will receive a travel advisory warning them that they would have been safer visiting India and doing ziyarat of raudat tahera instead. Ignoring these warnings will result in the usual strictures and penalties; mafinama, misaq, fakhir salaams and demotion in ranks whereby you could be stripped of your titles and relegated to the last saf + compulsory duty as a Burhani guard, scout or band master for 3 months.

[/quote][/quote]


but there is an exception to this rule. If you agree to do Ziyafat to Muffy with a salaam cover approved by them then you are permitted to travel to above vacation locales. Shu Karam che and Shu Ahsaan che Aali Qader Muffaddal More-la nu.

[anajmi]

ii) Your card will be automatically scanned and read, i.e. amounts deducted for dues. Since these will be RFID cards, you do not have to remove them, just have them on your person.

How does an abde ensure that this card remains on his person at all times? Should it be inserted in an abde as in James Bond, or as in Papillon?

[Safiuddin]

I say, why even have credit cards? ave Bohri surgeons insert a microchip into every Bohri man, woman, child, and infant.
Easy tracking, easy account management, and definitely easy for chip implantation, since the
backside is so easily available.

[Al Zulfiqar]

[Al Zulfiqar]

what, no comments from die-hard abdes?

o adam, o thou great defender of the dawat, where art thou fled?

[SBM]

what, no comments from die-hard abdes?

o adam, o thou great defender of the dawat, where art thou fled?

Adam is gone to get more lessons in PR of defending his masters as he miserably failed in his past mission.

[Al Zulfiqar]

bhai sbm,

the report i have is that the great warrior and defender of dawat - adam - will now only return after ayyam al tabbuddat and mola's salgirah are over. he is someone high up in the hierarchy and a key member of the committee responsible for organising the grand and ornate salgirah jashans in india and all over the world. this committee has a budget of several crores and there is money to be made man...! even if adam skims off 15%, he will be richer by atleast 75 lacs in another 6 weeks, obviously following the excellent example of loot set by his masters.

ab woh paise banayega, ya idhar aakar apni bakwaas sunayega?

[Safiuddin]

music notes.jpg (10.66 KiB) Viewed 8068 times

Aayegaa, Aayegaa, Aayegaa,
Aayegaa aanewaala, Ayegaa, . . .. . .. .. . .. .Aayegaa. . . .. . .. . ..

[Fateh]

music notes.jpg

Aayegaa, Aayegaa, Aayegaa,
Aayegaa aanewaala, Ayegaa, . . .. . .. .. . .. .Aayegaa. . . .. . .. . ..

Khayega, khayega,khayega khanewala kyayega,...............khayega......khayea

[Safiuddin]

Brilliant!!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

Brilliant!!!

what is? adam aayega ya adam khayega? i suppose both are equally disappointing....

[Al Zulfiqar]

watch this space closely folks. exciting new developments are occurring as we speak, esp. re: saifee mahal, the dai's upcoming salgirah jashans and the aali qadr's exploits.

deep throat is being restrained at some secret location, perhaps in the dungeons below saifee mahal. i am getting only broken communications, but have been assured that all will be revealed soon.

[askz]

dear zulfikar,
the jashans are going on in full swing all the abdes are getting message to come on the 8th feb 2013 at the kabristan in pune with yet again a hefty sum of rs 5000/- for shehat , aafiyat of ailing daai and sadaka. the zabiyat mutton will be used in daily dabba management. so in short instead of sadaka the flesh trade is already on consumed by the abdes itself.

[tanwir23]

day 3....not a single word of condemnation against the blasphemous action of Al Zulfikar ibn Yazid....on top of it the admin is deleting my post and issuing warning....so much for a debate....you could not digest even a couple of lines of truth...and wanna call urselves progressive...

Bottom Line - It is permissible for kafirs to manipulate and mock the Holy Quran on this forum but calling the kafir "a Kafir" is not permitted. i know it hurts. old Indian adage "Kaane ko kaana nahi kehna chahiye, uski jalti he".

U can see for yourself that abnormal people like u are a miniscule minority.

[Safiuddin]

khidmat wrote:day 3....not a single word of condemnation against the blasphemous action of Al Zulfikar ibn Yazid....on top of it the admin is deleting my post and issuing warning....so much for a debate....you could not digest even a couple of lines of truth...and wanna call urselves progressive...

Bottom Line - It is permissible for kafirs to manipulate and mock the Holy Quran on this forum but calling the kafir "a Kafir" is not permitted. i know it hurts. old Indian adage "Kaane ko kaana nahi kehna chahiye, uski jalti he".

Khidmat:

You're right about kafirs manipulating and mocking the the Quran, but you forget that the manipulators and infidels are
in Saifee Mahal, pretending to be Muslims and living the life that they preach against. It's the tyrants and oppressors
of TUS, Inc. that can't digest even a couple of lines of truth. When the truth is brought to them, they retaliate with violence. It's an age old trick:
say something against a religious or cult establishment, and they say "Blasphemy! You've offended us and our faith. Oh boo hoo hoo!"
What's really ironic is that these same self-appointed "guardians of the faith" are the first to publicly insult Islamic khalifas, sell liquor,
and demand that people genuflect in front of them.
And when they get finished relaying the story of Hazrat Ali and his love for his pet ducks, they go out and wantonly shoot animals so they can
shamelessly display their stuffed heads on their walls.
Are you absolutely certain you know where the true kafirs are?

[Al Zulfiqar]

to repeat once again.

for the die-hard abdes - worshippers of the dai - the prayer when they die HAS to be appropriately:

INNA LID DAI E, WA INNA DAI E RAJEUN

[Starwars]

Can anybody explain to me the significance of the 'jug / pewter' design used in the 102 salegrah celebrations of SMB?

[JC]

Starwars - it is Taweel and cannot be disclosed. If you are so interested go to Sa-baq-baq and may be you will know (some wiered explanation making SBM True Dai of Allah, in fact Allah on Earth). In bohraism EVERYTHING leads to only one conclusion - MoreLa, MoreLa, MoreLa ....!!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

watch this space closely folks. deep throat informs me that some hot breaking news are in the offing....

[humanbeing]

watch this space closely folks. deep throat informs me that some hot breaking news are in the offing....

Eagerly waiting !!

[Al Zulfiqar]

now that the immediate furore at the death of smb has died down and the battle of attrition which had suddenly flared up between the 2 deadly pugilists has reduced to a simmering boil, my source -deep throat - embedded tightly inside saifee mahal, has started communicating with me once again.

after a couple of false starts, the 'ilhaams' have started flowing. please bear with me while i compile and collate all the flood of information so that it makes sense to you and me.

patience friends.

[AgnosticTheist]

Al Zulfiqar - you should also try to place a source inside Darus Sakina. That will give us a balanced picture.