new rules contd...
35) for a considerable period of time now the maazoon and mukasir have been totally sidelined and sent into the political wilderness. they have been humiliated, degraded and made redundant. they have been treated like used toilet paper and thrown into the garbage. they have been allowed only to make very brief and controlled appearances in front of mola's abdes, their share of incomes from the loot is practically non-existent. in short, mola's abdes have forgotten that the m/m duo even exists and if at all they faintly do, then their original duty lines have become blurred - who are they and what is their role? of course with the prevalent theory that every dai has the right to bend the rules as per his whims and the demands of the day, the abdes have accepted it and will say 'who cares, to hell with the m/m duo'.
but now with the dai teetering close to his eventual grave, his family feel that permanent arrangements must be made and some pigeon-hole slots must be created for this m/m duo and they should be put to some sort of productive work, no matter how menial the tasks are. right now they are loose cannons and could explode into action any day. that would be extremely awkward for the wild bearded bandits lurking in saifee mahal. as per the adage that 'idle hands are a devil's workshop', the m/m duo cannot be allowed to roam around freely like vagabonds, begging from all and sundry and more significantly, sharing their tales of misery with unsuspecting passerbyes and shedding copious tears at every turn.
the HPC (high powered committee) of Saifee mahal has therefore come up with some secret plans to keep these duo gainfully occupied and productive for the HPC. they will be burdened with a heavy work-load which they will perforce perform. if the syedna at 99 can work so hard (to rake in the moolah), then why not this younger duo?
it has been decided that the mazoon will henceforth be responsible for all event management. the concepts and ideas for all publicity events will of course be the sole prerogative of the zaadas and their HPC, ideas such as the recent salgirah tamashas, the marine drive procession, the burhani car rally, the barefoot walks from suburbs into mumbai, the cycle rallies, the sparrow cages give-away, the chariot rides and international burhani scout band competitions etc etc, but the management and execution of such events will be the responsibility of the mazoon. getting the neccessary municipal and govt permits by greasing the right palms, mobilising resources by force and blackmail if neccessary, controlling the finances and rustling up thousands of volunteers, getting them into fancy beef-eater type uniforms, examining the samples of cloth, badges, shoes, snacks and arranging labrez jamans on a vast scale, making alternative plans for traffic, liasing with luxury car rental agencies, aviation companies, transport compnaies etc. i.e. all the nitty gritty logistics which are reqd for successfully holding events of vast magnitude. the HPC fully expects that the mazoon will work extremely hard to make these galas a resounding success whilst finding many avenues to receive kickbacks and under-the-table commissions. but this is built into the plan, as they realise it is the nominal cost of keeping mazoon busy. to make the mazoon an expert in this field, he is being sent to switzerland to study the latest trends and science in hotel, hospitality and event management. he will be staying in lausanne, at the prestigious École hôtelière de Lausanne, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89cole ... e_Lausanne
). while there he will be incognito after shaving off his facial fungus and wear instead a heavy wig and thick rimmed tortoise-shell glasses. he has been enrolled in an intensive 9 months course which will award him 2 diplomas in all concerned disciplines. once back he will be provided an office with 6 assistant staff in the dark dungeons below saifee mahal and allowed to emerge only for brief periods on a need-to-release basis, esp when he has to make personal site visits. in order to compensate for his overall nocturnal life and lack of sunlight thereof, he will be allotted a specialist and high dose vitamin D capsules. let's wish him the best in his new role and success in his new & exciting duties.
the mukasir is being re-located into the attic above saifee mahal. his job from now on is to identify passages in the quran which could by whatever remote stretch of logic allude to the imaginary greatness and worldly, materialistic achievements of the ex syedna TS and the present syedna MB. he will also be instructed to study and scrutinise obscure passages from our old deeni scriptures and locate any references which can support the so-called discoveries from the quran. knowing the ilm and sharp mind of the mukasir, this job is a tacit admission of his prowess and capability. the mukasir will be given 2 staff of his choosing from the jamea or any institute of his choice who excel at quranic studies and arabic, so that they can assist in this stupendous task. the mukasir's mandate will also include formulating changes in our namaz, duas and recitations which would extol and shower praise on the present syedna and subtly but gradually inculcate values of fanatical devotion and total obedience to the dai, thus elevating dai to level of allah ul mutlaq. for every breakthrough discovery and revolutionary change, mukasir and his family will be rewarded in a suitable manner, with gifts of plots of land, choice amalats, public photo-ops and write-ups on maalumat and other loyal sites. the controls to the elevators operating in saifee mahal are being changed to skip the attic on the topmost floor so that mukasir can work in peace undisturbed. even the food and refreshments for him will be passed by a special remote controlled pulley so that human contact with the mukasir can be kept at a minimum. a deeply searching mind works best in isolation, is the theory. several earth shaking revelations are expected once mukasir saab takes up this assignment.
more on this as i hear it from 'deep throat'....