New Rules..!!

The one and only free public forum for Bohras. The focus of this forum is the reform movement, the Dawoodi Bohra faith and, of course, the corrupt priesthood. But the discussion is in no way restricted to the Bohras alone.
Muslim First
Posts: 6893
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2001 4:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#61

Unread post by Muslim First » Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:18 pm

india's ISRO (indian space research organisation) who will collaborate with another team from NASA in USA, to locate, identify and name a star in the name of syedna mohd burhanuddin.
You do not need ISRO or NASA for naming star. There is a commercial star registrary which will name a star for your chosen person for $49.99. and register it in bookform at copyright office in Washington DC.

It is biggest flim fam, but does good business on mothers day etc.

So next rule will be to ask every Abde family to spend $49.99 and register a star in the name of Burhan. It should be Burhan 1 , ,3 so on.

Here is one
International Star Registry
http://www.starregistry.com/g101.cfm?gc ... 4Aod6GHEbA

or there are more on this page
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&sugexp=lls ... eabc8c9e00

Kothar can make a deal with one of them and earn hafty commission by making Star Tawiz so Abdes will be protected.


May be they can force this one for dead abde in addition to Chitti.

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#62

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Mon Mar 28, 2011 6:28 pm

bro mf,

your suggestion is otherwise excellent, but after the way quid johnny burnt his fingers buying that fake degree of phekology (PhD), the zaadas want to do a more pucca job.

as i told you if they raise $2.5 billion and spend even $500 million finding and naming this star and cluster, imagine from the balance how much they can help the poor, starving and miserable zaadas, zaadis and mini mongrels who are all roaming around in tattered std's and ridhas, begging for money?

let us think long term in the better interests of syedna and his family.

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#63

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:03 pm

new rules contd.....

31. as the 99th salgirah celebrations and the show of strength are now over, the kothar is now slowly but surely veering round to revealing many of its closely guarded and secret theories which it has been expounding behind closed doors in the sabaks wherein gullible abde fools are made to take oaths to keep all the sham knowledge imparted to them under wraps. as part of this exercise, it seems that they have made a pact with the big honcho allah to divide their areas of sovereignty. the heavenly allah will confine his dominion and activities to non-earthly and non-worldly, purely spiritual areas alone, while the bohra dai will be declared (as his abdes already claim) supreme allah on earth. his domain will include all worldly, material, financial and religious needs not only of bohras but of all living denizens of this earth. he can tax, preach, dictate, command or boycott, abuse, persecute and excommunicate whoever he wills and however he wills. he can murder and hunt as many wild animals as he wishes. he is the master of all that he surveys and desires.

he can translate and interpret scriptures as he sees fit and he can create new ones of his own and still call them islam. he is the sole and final judge. as allah of earth, thus he is above any man made law or courts run under human jurisprudence. he cannot be touched physically or legally. this MOU signed with the heavenly allah, settles all pending disputes and integrates and unites all the prophets, imams, panjatan pak and shohoda of kerbala or any other battles or wars, all the past and present religious and spiritual figures in the person of the dai.

this strategy is being revealed in bits and pieces over here on this forum and in the bayans and majlises held 24/7 around the world. of course this knowledge is already well known to all the secret sabaki's. all you need to do is to monitor closely.

more on this as i am apprised of the facts by deep throat in saifee mahal.

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#64

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:55 pm

new rules contd...(as revealed by deep throat situated high in the hierarchy of saifee mahal)

32) with the tempo of syedna's moajiza's having increased suddenly by leaps and bounds and as more and more abdes are crawling out of the woodwork daily, claiming miracles involving the thought, sight or mention of syedna, casting aside their inhibitions and baring all in public; the head-honcho committee of saifee mahal have decided now to present an ongoing regular platform for such deeply and mentally affected bohras. a farmaan has been sent out to all jamaats in all bilads and moze's to hold a monthly 'mojiza special' majlis every month. this will be held on the last sunday of every month, provided of course there is no darees, sitaabi, shaadi, misaak, mayyat, cricket match live relay, etc function. otherwise the next convenient day preceding or post this date will be fixed.

during this majlis all bohras who have personal mojizas to recall will be given the full and free opportunity to recount how and when syedna performed a miracle for them or their immediate family and friends circle. this can also include acquaintances, people in your neighbourhood, mohalla, sub-division, constituency, borough, village, town, corporation, or province and state, as long as you have a convincing story dripping with faith and drama. all such mojizas will be recorded and sent to vazaratus saifiyah for archiving. it is expected that every year a holy book of syedna's miracles will be published and every bohra family will be alloted a hadiya of the same, on nominal payment of $ 52/= per copy. every such majlis will be followed by labrez gourmet jaman.

as an incentive to normally shy and bashful abdes to come forward and recount their 'syedna miracles', a one year's special promotion will be offered to include tarteeb bethaks for all such mojizati's, special raza to wear red saaya, kurta and topis, and get double khaaras, mithaas and suko mewo and paan packets, those with extremely moving miracle saga's might get mafsuhiyat or hadiyat. the names of all abdes worldwide who have experienced mojizas will be fed into a lucky draw and ten lucky winners will get the azeemusshaan sharaf of personal kadambosi with syedna. of course, in order to cover the organisational costs, all such naseebdars will be asked to present a token najwa to syedna of Rs 52 lakhs each.

su eni niraali shaan che, mola na hamara upar beshumaar ehsaan chhe.!!

seeker110
Posts: 1727
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#65

Unread post by seeker110 » Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:07 pm

New rule from Kothar,"Due to too many guns and revolting nature of Bohra youth,all Bhaisahebs.sheikhs.mulas amils and Molas family including mola will wear camouflage uniform.

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#66

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:57 pm

seeker110 wrote:New rule from Kothar,"Due to too many guns and revolting nature of Bohra youth,all Bhaisahebs.sheikhs.mulas amils and Molas family including mola will wear camouflage uniform.
your comment makes no sense. since when did bohra youth start carrying guns??? its good to attempt humour, provided there is some logic behind it, otherwise it falls flat and reflects poorly upon its author.

Aarif
Posts: 1426
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#67

Unread post by Aarif » Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:48 am

I agree with br. AZ

BTW: Good going Br. AZ. Your new rules series rocks. I am sure this thread will be remembered as one of the classics on this forum for many years to come...

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#68

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:07 pm

thanks arif. the intention has never been to win accolades or historical recognition. my focus has always been to provoke independent thought and rational judgement. if even one person has been influenced by my writings here and it has opened his/her eyes, then my hard work and perseverance has paid off. although god alone knows what most people make of my ramblings..

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#69

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Mon Apr 11, 2011 9:27 pm

new rules contd....

33) now that the kothar has decided to go all out to prove that dai is actually the imam himself, in fact in rutba even higher than the imams, nabi's, vasi's and farishtas and having been declared the allah on earth, they have decided to implement the following:

a. they would love to declare the dai as allah himself, but since the simple bohras and other muslims will find it hard to swallow the full monty..er.. dose at one sitting, they have passed a resolution at the highest level to declare him the imam. the era henceforth will become our dauratul kashf and bring a final end to the unpalatable dauratul satr.
b. thus all dai's sons will automatically become dai's, having been promoted alongwith their father. they all rise now several notches in the hierarchy.
c. the eldest son quid johny will by default become the dai-ul-balagh and the second eldest will become the hujjatul balagh. all the rest of the sons will become dai ul jazeera and will be alloted their respective regions and stations where they will be strategically located in the mission.
d. each dai will have his own mukasir and maazoon. this will also provide gainful employment to each and every hitherto painfully unemployed family member.
e. after one more generation of imams, the next imam will be declared, as part of a graduated strategic plan, to be nominated as a nabi e balagh, i.e. a rank of nabi's higher in rank than the ordinary nabi's, incl. our own beloved nabi. then the dai/imam/nabi's sons will be automatically elevated to rank of nabi's.
f. this silsila will continue musalsal until after only 3 more generations, the next dai/imam/nabi will be declared allah il mutlaq. then his sons will become minor allah's, one of earth, one of heavens, one of the netherworld, one of above water, below water, underground, allahs of inside volcanoes, space, comets, nebulae, collapsing giant stars, black holes and many other types of holes... and so on.

the day is not very far away my fellow bohras, when we will no longer ruku chitthis, as we will be in paradise itself.

will keep you updated as and when deep throat conveys more top secret news to me...

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#70

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:09 pm

its rather curious, the absence of the fanatic abdes on this thread. their silence is heavily pregnant and quite eloquent...

these rules should be making them glad from all conceivable angles, but they hide their darkened faces out of embarrassment and guilt. they slink away like sly foxes in the night...

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#71

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:50 pm

c'mon abdes, why no shows here?? afraid to comment and be caught with your torn panties in a twist?

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#72

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:44 pm

what can be a more telling comment on the cowardice of the abdes, who ordinarily rush in like bulls in a china shop (where angels fear to tread), but stay away in droves and skirt threads like these like the plague??

they know that is going to be a complete fiasco if they comment here, so like jackals and foxes they consciously slink away with their tails between their bow-legs....

Smart
Posts: 1388
Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#73

Unread post by Smart » Mon Apr 18, 2011 5:42 am

Good Job AZ. Here is something to tell us that your posts are bang on the target!

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/opini ... f=homepage

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#74

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:02 am

thanks smart! good to know that atleast someone appreciates this thread..

of course, all credit mainly goes to 'deep throat', who is the one secretly conveying all the news from inside to me. you will see as time goes by, that many of deep throat's revelations will come to be true. saifee mahal is trying its utmost to find out who this thorn in their side is, but deep throat has embedded himself in their flesh so well that it will be impossible to dislodge him.

kothar is getting paranoid by the minute and strictly screening all visitors and conversations. they have installed cctv cameras in all strategic locations, incl. bedrooms, bathrooms, corridors etc to plug this leak. short of kicking out most of the zaadas, they have run out of almost all ideas in identifying my sources.

keep watching this space for more earth-shaking news...

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#75

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:14 pm

new rules contd....

34) the goons of saifee mahal are getting quite enraged and concerned at the negative publicity the sajda to dai is generating here on this forum and elsewhere and are quite confused as to how to address this issue. on the one hand they would like to silence by any means possible (incl. physical violence) the dissenting and mocking voices, on the other hand they are looking for ways in which to make this sajda business firmly entrenched in the traditions and culture of abde bohras. a high powered committee of 5 zaadas has been seriously engaged in working out a methodology to fulfil their aims of elevating dai to allah and thus fit and ripe to accept sajdas without any theological contradictions.

to this end they have come up with what they believe to be a foolproof plan. this entails a graduated ascent (or descent) into slavery and mind control and works like this. after a farmaan is sent out, all bohras will be instructed to do a sajda of taqriman to all nominated sheikhs, a sajda of taaziman to amils, a sajda of taqbilul ardh to zaadas and finally sajdas of ubudiyyah to syedna. this successive progression fits in well with the existing strategy of graduated sabaks and its sinister philosophy of drawing you ever deeper into their web of intrigue, suspense and mental manipulation. when an abde gets used to doing sajdas on a regular basis, the distinguishing lines between sajdas of various types will get blurred and confused and ergo! abdes will never question a sajda ever again. a positive fallout of these sajdas to all figures in authority will lead to better health for abdes and slimmer waistlines too. another miracle attributed to syedna!

this HPC (high powered committee) is also already making moves to buy over a pain relieving balm company and are in secret talks with several leading brands, viz. MOOV, AMRUTANJAN, ZANDU, IODEX, etc. they see a tremendous business potential in painful and burning abde backsides, which as would be expected, are the natural side effect of frequent sajda bending, bowing and scraping. in order to spread the largesse around, abdes will be invited to invest in lucrative shares of this balm company. this would of course result in the abdes financing their own painful activities and provide a welcome sop to their intense pain and misery.

although these news are pre-emptive, it might be advisable for all abdes, amtes and their naunihals to take up waist and hip strengthening exercises to prevent sajda related injuries and to increase their medical insurance coverages to cover any injuries and damages suffered during the practice of religious activities.

any further news on this subject will be conveyed to you once informed by 'deep throat'...

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#76

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:49 pm

new rules contd...

35) for a considerable period of time now the maazoon and mukasir have been totally sidelined and sent into the political wilderness. they have been humiliated, degraded and made redundant. they have been treated like used toilet paper and thrown into the garbage. they have been allowed only to make very brief and controlled appearances in front of mola's abdes, their share of incomes from the loot is practically non-existent. in short, mola's abdes have forgotten that the m/m duo even exists and if at all they faintly do, then their original duty lines have become blurred - who are they and what is their role? of course with the prevalent theory that every dai has the right to bend the rules as per his whims and the demands of the day, the abdes have accepted it and will say 'who cares, to hell with the m/m duo'.

but now with the dai teetering close to his eventual grave, his family feel that permanent arrangements must be made and some pigeon-hole slots must be created for this m/m duo and they should be put to some sort of productive work, no matter how menial the tasks are. right now they are loose cannons and could explode into action any day. that would be extremely awkward for the wild bearded bandits lurking in saifee mahal. as per the adage that 'idle hands are a devil's workshop', the m/m duo cannot be allowed to roam around freely like vagabonds, begging from all and sundry and more significantly, sharing their tales of misery with unsuspecting passerbyes and shedding copious tears at every turn.

the HPC (high powered committee) of Saifee mahal has therefore come up with some secret plans to keep these duo gainfully occupied and productive for the HPC. they will be burdened with a heavy work-load which they will perforce perform. if the syedna at 99 can work so hard (to rake in the moolah), then why not this younger duo?

it has been decided that the mazoon will henceforth be responsible for all event management. the concepts and ideas for all publicity events will of course be the sole prerogative of the zaadas and their HPC, ideas such as the recent salgirah tamashas, the marine drive procession, the burhani car rally, the barefoot walks from suburbs into mumbai, the cycle rallies, the sparrow cages give-away, the chariot rides and international burhani scout band competitions etc etc, but the management and execution of such events will be the responsibility of the mazoon. getting the neccessary municipal and govt permits by greasing the right palms, mobilising resources by force and blackmail if neccessary, controlling the finances and rustling up thousands of volunteers, getting them into fancy beef-eater type uniforms, examining the samples of cloth, badges, shoes, snacks and arranging labrez jamans on a vast scale, making alternative plans for traffic, liasing with luxury car rental agencies, aviation companies, transport compnaies etc. i.e. all the nitty gritty logistics which are reqd for successfully holding events of vast magnitude. the HPC fully expects that the mazoon will work extremely hard to make these galas a resounding success whilst finding many avenues to receive kickbacks and under-the-table commissions. but this is built into the plan, as they realise it is the nominal cost of keeping mazoon busy. to make the mazoon an expert in this field, he is being sent to switzerland to study the latest trends and science in hotel, hospitality and event management. he will be staying in lausanne, at the prestigious École hôtelière de Lausanne, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89cole ... e_Lausanne). while there he will be incognito after shaving off his facial fungus and wear instead a heavy wig and thick rimmed tortoise-shell glasses. he has been enrolled in an intensive 9 months course which will award him 2 diplomas in all concerned disciplines. once back he will be provided an office with 6 assistant staff in the dark dungeons below saifee mahal and allowed to emerge only for brief periods on a need-to-release basis, esp when he has to make personal site visits. in order to compensate for his overall nocturnal life and lack of sunlight thereof, he will be allotted a specialist and high dose vitamin D capsules. let's wish him the best in his new role and success in his new & exciting duties.

the mukasir is being re-located into the attic above saifee mahal. his job from now on is to identify passages in the quran which could by whatever remote stretch of logic allude to the imaginary greatness and worldly, materialistic achievements of the ex syedna TS and the present syedna MB. he will also be instructed to study and scrutinise obscure passages from our old deeni scriptures and locate any references which can support the so-called discoveries from the quran. knowing the ilm and sharp mind of the mukasir, this job is a tacit admission of his prowess and capability. the mukasir will be given 2 staff of his choosing from the jamea or any institute of his choice who excel at quranic studies and arabic, so that they can assist in this stupendous task. the mukasir's mandate will also include formulating changes in our namaz, duas and recitations which would extol and shower praise on the present syedna and subtly but gradually inculcate values of fanatical devotion and total obedience to the dai, thus elevating dai to level of allah ul mutlaq. for every breakthrough discovery and revolutionary change, mukasir and his family will be rewarded in a suitable manner, with gifts of plots of land, choice amalats, public photo-ops and write-ups on maalumat and other loyal sites. the controls to the elevators operating in saifee mahal are being changed to skip the attic on the topmost floor so that mukasir can work in peace undisturbed. even the food and refreshments for him will be passed by a special remote controlled pulley so that human contact with the mukasir can be kept at a minimum. a deeply searching mind works best in isolation, is the theory. several earth shaking revelations are expected once mukasir saab takes up this assignment.

more on this as i hear it from 'deep throat'....

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#77

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:09 am

dear progressive minded brothers,

have you seen how all the cowardly abdes steer clear of this thread? i have exposed all the new rules in advance, rules which will increase their devotion and loyalty to syedna, rules which will elevate them spiritually.

but do they come here to comment? to atleast express pleasure for these new rules, rules which will change their lives for the better in such dramatic ways??

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#78

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Wed Apr 27, 2011 6:59 pm

hotsaif, i cannot understand why you are getting all hot under your collar (or maybe much lower..?). is it because your name is garamsaunf?

i am only the bearer of glad tidings as conveyed to me by 'deepthroat'.. you should be happy that so many good things are coming your way and all your fellow abdes, re: your salary transfers directly to jamaat, the new and exciting duties of the m/m duo, the naming of a comet after syedna MB, the compulsory ilhams from syedna in your dreams, the elevation of syedna to allah ul mutlaq, the special majlis for all mojizatis and so many other fantastic news.

even i wish to share in your happiness. please send me your complete address and contacts and i will grant you the sharaf of my kadambosi and grand ziyafat in your humble abode..

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#79

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Wed May 04, 2011 9:35 pm

where has hotsaif disappeared after i gave him the azeemusshan sharaf of inviting me to his house for ziyafat, paghla and kadambosi???

no money in the bank hottie?

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#80

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Thu May 12, 2011 10:03 pm

written and deleted....

Conscíous
Posts: 1491
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:41 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#81

Unread post by Conscíous » Sat May 14, 2011 9:54 am

He called progticide a sissy for avoiding this thread :wink:

Conscíous
Posts: 1491
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:41 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#82

Unread post by Conscíous » Wed May 25, 2011 1:47 pm

.
.
:roll:

israfild
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:22 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#83

Unread post by israfild » Fri May 27, 2011 7:56 am

Al Zulfiqar wrote:new rules contd...

more on this as i hear it from 'deep throat'....
Dear Mr. Al Zulfiqar,

Have you thought of writing a book. maybe on these rules itself.... :!:

it will be a hot seller... :wink:

I really appreciate your creativity and am eagerly waiting to read the next "RULE"

Best regards

Conscíous
Posts: 1491
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:41 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#84

Unread post by Conscíous » Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:14 am

Where are you lost :roll: ??

asif786
Posts: 185
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:40 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#85

Unread post by asif786 » Thu Aug 25, 2011 7:18 pm

Where is Alzulfiqar ? we are waiting for new rules after the nass on muffi

ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#86

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Thu Aug 25, 2011 7:20 pm

Al-zulfiqar bhai pardah maa chhe. :)

DMY
Posts: 65
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:25 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#87

Unread post by DMY » Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:03 am

Or has he gone back to the fold and become a hardcore abde :?:

SBM
Posts: 6442
Joined: Sun May 09, 2004 4:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#88

Unread post by SBM » Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:41 am

DMY
I was told by my contacts in high place that AZ has been hired as a consultant to draw up new rules for the new cabinets of 53 Dai
and he has been hard at work. :)

DMY
Posts: 65
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:25 pm

Re: New Rules..!!

#89

Unread post by DMY » Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:58 am

OMG....so whatever he suggested may be finally coming true.

Al Zulfiqar
Posts: 4609
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:01 am

Re: New Rules..!!

#90

Unread post by Al Zulfiqar » Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:50 pm

new rules contd....

36) many momentous events have occured since my last post, which have shaken not only the bohra qaum to the core, but caused earth-shaking tremors as far away as indonesia and australia/new zealand, to famines, riots, floods and financial crises in asia, africa, the EU and USA. but of them all, the greatest event since the birth of mankind was......you guessed it, the appointment of his successor by the dai, viz. manhoos... oops! sorry! mansoos. while the bohras luxuriate in the knowledge that their future is secure and free from all these natural disasters, being under the thanda saaya of the nirala karam ane beshumaar ehsaan of their bawa shafiq and his mansoos, the rest of mankind are struck by the wrath of the gods above, cursed and doomed for their non-faith in the appointed manhoos,... sorry again, mansoos.

what very few bohras are unaware of though, except for only a few in the top echelons of saifee mahal (which includes my secret source located high above in the hierarchy - "deep throat") is that the new dai has also chosen and appointed his mansoos as well. thus we have a unique, unprecedented and extremely happy occasion in our history. this phenomenon has never occured before, neither in the annals of the ismaili tayyebi mustaali dawoodi bohras nor in the entire history of human civilization, when 3 syednas (read godmen/prophets/sages/divine appointees) have existed simultaneously on this earth!!! indeed we are blessed as we are the unbelievably fortunate few and chosen of all divine creation to witness this amazing miracle of the power that controls us. imagine the billions who have passed before us and the trillions that will come after us, none will ever experience this mind boggling spirituality bestowed upon us!! indeed we bohras of today are giants among the puny men around us. we are in effect and for all practical purposes been elevated to the level of farishtas in angelic white, floating high above this miserable swamp of humanity, extolling the virtues of our trinity of syednas, hallowed by their presence, floating among clouds of serendipity, wafting perfumes of heavenly bliss and ecstasy on our fellow mumeneen and ourselves...

the new dai has appointed his mansoos in a very secret ceremony, where the young acolyte was administered the traditional oaths full of esoteric ilm, echoing the grand and deeply spiritual practices from the hoary past of our ancestors stretching to nabi adam and all the way upto aql al awwal.

now that this profound event has come to pass, it has been decided to have the following new rules which naturally spring forth with exuberance amongst our joyous mumeneen:

as is our sacred practise - every bohra home, business, car, yacht, warehouse, aircraft, resort, hotel etc must be adorned with pictures of atleast 4 duatul mutleqeen: i.e syedna TS, syedna MB, his mansoos and the mansoos's mansoos, the latter's portrait going up only when he is publicly revealed of course. every bohra must make careful provisions to have a suitable pride of place in his abode, place of business etc, where such holy portraits can be displayed.

considering that confusion has prevailed in the past re: sizes, colors, suitable framing and acceptable poses of syednas, the high powered committee in dawate hadiyah has decided to engage the best photographer in the business who regularly shoots celebrities like aishwarya rai, the big b, the british royals etc to shoot the syednas and their mansoos's. lest someone interpret this as an act of violence and impiety, ('shooting' men of allah, astakferullah!) it should be clarified that this is common parlance in papparazzo circles.

all mumeneen will display only vazarat determined standard sizes of portraits in gilt frames. of course those blessed with mafsuhiyat and hadiyat will be allowed bigger pictures and more expensive frames to reflect their prestigious status in our society.

these pictures and choice of frames will be available only from bohra jamaat offices in all bilaads and moze's at a cost fixed by vazaratus saifiyah.

every bohra house and workplace will be inspected by jamaat committee members for strict compliance with these sacred commandments.

none of these portraits must face a toilet/washroom or kitchen. it is highly recommended that these portraits be kept in the general direction of the kaaba.

they must be kept clean and shining at all times, preferably with a bakhoor scented cloth.

all corporate stationery, viz. vajebaat forms, arzi letters, wedding invitations, safai chitthis, e-jamaat cards, ruku chithhis, jamaat registration forms etc must reflect mention of all the 4 syednas. of course, these formats will be supplied by the vazarat.

each and every joyous occasion in the life of every bohra must include salaams to all 4 syednas, both past deceased and gracefully alive amongst us. this is besides the salaams for mazoon and mukasir sahebs and imamuzzaman.

every mumeen bhai, behen and their farzando and naunihalo must henceforth pray 8 rakats namaaz after every fardh, i.e. 2 rakats with niyyat for every syedna. niyyat of jannat no mewo for the marhoom dai and duniya no mewo and tulul umr for the one's hayat and blessing us.

whether one living syedna is present or all 3 together, every momeen will henceforth carry out 4 sajdas for the syednas. these include sajda e ubudiya, sajda e taqbilul ardh, sajda e taqriman and sajda e imamiyah qudsaniyah.

if in any majalis, all 3 syednas are present and presiding over us but seated in different locations, sajdas must be carried out for them in every direction in which they are enthroned.

any bohra wishing to offer ziyafat or requesting pagla where all 3 syednas grace his humble abode at the same time will have to charter a pvt aircraft to bring them from any corner of the world wherever they may be doing khidmat at the time. this will be in addition to a salaam of 6 crores (2 crores per syedna) + variety of menus to suit their divine palates and delicate healths + a fleet of rolls royces driven only by nkd's or mkd's + brand new bathrooms equipped with tropical rain showers and baths.

it gives me great pleasure conveying these amazing tidings of heavenly joy to fellow mumeneen. i have tried to bring this news in advance of eid, so that this eid becomes the greatest celebration you ever had. i beseech my fellow bohras, this eid give all you have to our dai's and mansoos's, lutawi do, bhaley kangal thai jao, pan mola par nichawar kariney malamaal thai jao.. jo tamara dil ma valvalo hoi, to tamey zalzalo kari nakhjo....