jokes (keep it clean)

Lighten up a little and talk about movies, music, books and recipes and more... this forum provides the flip side to the intense and serious discussion taking place in other forums. No topic is off-limit here so long as it is within the accepted norms of decency and decorum.
ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#271

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Sun Apr 17, 2016 5:12 pm

:lol: :lol:



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#272

Unread post by I Rizwan » Mon Apr 18, 2016 6:34 am

Chacha and bhatija
Attachments
images.jpg
sssss.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#273

Unread post by I Rizwan » Mon Apr 18, 2016 1:17 pm

haathi ke daat alag alag
Attachments
aaa.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#274

Unread post by I Rizwan » Mon Apr 18, 2016 2:11 pm

so correct
Attachments
12974413_1720664198192163_3374509150634499651_n.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#275

Unread post by I Rizwan » Mon Apr 18, 2016 3:42 pm

नरेंद्र मोदी इस सदी का सब से बड़ा ठग और धोखेबाज़ है। और कुछ लोग नरेंद्र मोदी जैसे ठग और धोखेबाज़ के समर्थन को ही हिंदुत्व समझ बैठे हैं।
via - FB

Same thing applies to Mufaddal saifuddin



ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

#276

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Mon Apr 18, 2016 5:08 pm

I Rizwan wrote:नरेंद्र मोदी इस सदी का सब से बड़ा ठग और धोखेबाज़ है। और कुछ लोग नरेंद्र मोदी जैसे ठग और धोखेबाज़ के समर्थन को ही हिंदुत्व समझ बैठे हैं।
via - FB

Same thing applies to Mufaddal saifuddin
Now our resident Hindutva wadi sympathiser will come all out on you for attacking his leader who could be of his own batch in RSS :lol:



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#277

Unread post by I Rizwan » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:48 am

दादा ने 'आज़ादी की लड़ाई' की कहानी सुनाई।
बाप ने 'आपातकाल' की कहानी सुनाई ।
और हम अपने बच्चों को कहेंगे - बेटा हमने 'जुमलों का दौर' देखा है। :lol:



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#278

Unread post by I Rizwan » Tue Apr 19, 2016 9:13 am

Since Indian media is behind modi to show his degree, I decided to give him one from my own university, if mufaddal wants one I will give him one too :D
Attachments
xxx.jpg
ass.jpg
12998768_969512569784744_5791199138591144076_n.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#279

Unread post by I Rizwan » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:31 am

Today is 700th day for Modi ji as PM of India
Some stats:
-Rail fare Amritsar to Delhi increased from ₹45 to ₹78
-Platform ticket increased from ₹3 to ₹10
-Mobile internet increased from ₹98 to ₹246
-Crude price slashed 1/4 but no benefit to consumers
-Tuar Dal increased from ₹70 to ₹150
-Service tax from 12.36% to 14.50%
-Dollar increased from ₹60 to ₹69
-And to save 100 cr on Gas subsidy, Modi Govt spent 250 crores on ads.
Let's chant Modi.. Modi.. Modi.. Modi



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#280

Unread post by I Rizwan » Wed Apr 20, 2016 1:59 pm

Hey Bhagwaan utha le re utha le.
Attachments
maxresdefault.jpg
ffffffffffffffffffffff.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#281

Unread post by I Rizwan » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:22 pm

mission of mufaddali dawat
Attachments
ddddd.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#282

Unread post by I Rizwan » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:24 pm

Modi's development model
Attachments
13002449_1076744822348672_3708496312663140672_o.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#283

Unread post by I Rizwan » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:28 pm

ye sala muffy wrong number hain
Attachments
download (3).jpg
download (3).jpg (8.43 KiB) Viewed 3812 times
aaaaa.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#284

Unread post by I Rizwan » Thu Apr 21, 2016 3:48 am

Kohinoor was gifted to British by India.
Attachments
13062296_1070395126365847_7138192062036985455_n.jpg



I Rizwan
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:33 am

#285

Unread post by I Rizwan » Thu Apr 21, 2016 5:06 am

....
Attachments
images (2).jpg
images (2).jpg (11.67 KiB) Viewed 3773 times
16.jpg



seeker110
Posts: 1715
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:01 am

#286

Unread post by seeker110 » Tue Jun 21, 2016 6:03 pm

It was 24 rakat Wasshaek she said I should keep 12 khari badam to keep the count. I took 2 extra because after ifftar chai I like something salty. I put them in my kurta jaib along with my wallet (dr lic). and my sunglasses. After we reached the masjid I stored the sun glasses and gave my wallet to her, to keep it in her purse. She has a big purse enough to put two thal jaman.

After iftar tea I ate two badam. I took the rest out on the massallah. I have no clue where I lost three of the badam. There were only nine left. After some calculations I figured I only need six and still be able to keep the count. So I ate three more. Then took niyyat and started the meter. I made a slight mistake and ate two after third rakat. So here I go thinking I only need three. After five six rakat I had none left. So I prayed two extra to make up. Just in case.

I am pretty sure I did nineteen rakat or more.


She later told me she found two badam in her purse. So where did the last one go. I told her I made a new system.

Tera demagh tuo hey badam mei, tujeh kiya milay ga........



ghulam muhammed
Posts: 11653
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:34 pm

#287

Unread post by ghulam muhammed » Tue Jun 28, 2016 5:36 pm

After BREXIT...

America and Britain are in a competition -
Who is the bigger idiot.
For the moment, Britain is leading.
But America has the TRUMP card.



seeker110
Posts: 1715
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:01 am

#288

Unread post by seeker110 » Mon Jul 04, 2016 12:57 am

What is the first thing a muslim groom says to his new bride.

First date



seeker110
Posts: 1715
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:01 am

#289

Unread post by seeker110 » Thu Jul 28, 2016 4:53 pm

A Pakistani man calls the suicide prevention hot line. "I am going to kill myself because I cant find work, economy is bad and life is hopeless"
The operator asks him if he can drive a truck.



seeker110
Posts: 1715
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:01 am

#290

Unread post by seeker110 » Fri Aug 05, 2016 7:37 pm

Teacher to students, if I can put my life experience in one word it would be "Acceptance".

Can you describe yours in three words.

Student, " Lazy".



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#291

Unread post by yfm » Sat Apr 29, 2017 11:27 pm

Is there a way or a time when the Progressive Dawoody Bohras will elect/select/nominate a dai and this DAI will not be from the family of the Seyednas but a commoner?
We need a dai who will take care of us here on earth.

We will leave our Prophet PBUS to take care of us in the heavens above and lead our individual spiritual lives by the Koran as we interpret it.

We do not care what happens to the wealth that the mowlas and Seyeda Taher Saifuddin and his progenies have accumulated. We live that to the Judgement of the almighty. Afterall we have been here long before our times.

Kind Regards,

Yusuf



Humsafar
Posts: 2488
Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2000 5:01 am

#292

Unread post by Humsafar » Sun Apr 30, 2017 9:12 am

yfm wrote:
Sat Apr 29, 2017 11:27 pm
Is there a way or a time when the Progressive Dawoody Bohras will elect/select/nominate a dai and this DAI will not be from the family of the Seyednas but a commoner?
We need a dai who will take care of us here on earth.
I humbly nominate myself as the new Dai ul Mutlaq. I swear I'm infallible!



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#293

Unread post by yfm » Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:09 pm

Do you swear you do istinjar?



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#294

Unread post by yfm » Mon May 01, 2017 12:23 am

A friend of mine used to say that when this Hamsafer talks from his bottom then make sure the bottom is clean. God has given us two ends, one to think with and the other to sit on. But if the bottom to sit on is unclean then the top must be an empty vessel like Humsafar. If we make him the dai mutlaq, then Asgar Vasanwala will have a field day. :mrgreen:



Humsafar
Posts: 2488
Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2000 5:01 am

#295

Unread post by Humsafar » Mon May 01, 2017 10:59 am

yfm wrote:
Mon May 01, 2017 12:23 am
A friend of mine used to say that when this Hamsafer talks from his bottom then make sure the bottom is clean. God has given us two ends, one to think with and the other to sit on. But if the bottom to sit on is unclean then the top must be an empty vessel like Humsafar. If we make him the dai mutlaq, then Asgar Vasanwala will have a field day. :mrgreen:
Calm down brother, it was only a joke. BTW, this friend of yours must know me well. Looks like he might be my friend too, the kind who stabs you in the back!!! :D



zinger
Posts: 1864
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:40 am

#296

Unread post by zinger » Tue May 02, 2017 7:00 am

yfm wrote:
Mon May 01, 2017 12:23 am
A friend of mine used to say that when this Hamsafer talks from his bottom then make sure the bottom is clean. God has given us two ends, one to think with and the other to sit on. But if the bottom to sit on is unclean then the top must be an empty vessel like Humsafar. If we make him the dai mutlaq, then Asgar Vasanwala will have a field day. :mrgreen:
methinks your friend is the same one who keeps popping up in different ids
I also think that you are currently operating here under 2 ids. one of yfm, the other of the virus, i rizwan aka the resident virus aka the man/woman/thing of 43 ids



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#297

Unread post by yfm » Wed May 03, 2017 11:15 pm

Let us enjoy this even more, more jokes please. At the same let us make small sacrifices and make small donations for less fortunate bohra kids who have no time for our jokes but only Goodwill. Let us recite the surah in the Koran izazulzilatil arzu sura 99 and remember Allah.



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#298

Unread post by yfm » Wed May 03, 2017 11:57 pm

More Jokes about Dai-ul-mutlaq I mean. We need to make him an object of ridicule, considering how he and his progeny have destroyed the Bohra Community :shock:

A dai-ul-mutlaq should not be a descendant of dai since they will have the same traits; elite and commoner. They are the elites and we are the proletariats. They have brainwashed us to think that We need them to take us to the heavens above. The culprits only sprang from the Taher Saifuddin and his son Yusuf Najmuddin. Yet it is so flabbergasting, that a community like us the Bohras who are smart people and prosperous people have no common sense when it comes to the Heavens above. if they can believe that the Devil who is the Dai will take them to Heaven and not to Hell, then we are in essence a small people and a little people as Lawrence of Arabia would say.

Long Live Humsafar. He is the man who would be the Dai unless the Taher Saifuddin progeny get rid of him, as they get rid of their own.

Kind Regards,

:mrgreen:



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#299

Unread post by yfm » Thu May 04, 2017 11:20 pm

If Trump was Allah in heaven, he would not allow us in heaven since on earth we bohra are like what Trump refers to the Muslims as terrorist and bans them from entering the US. How do we know that Allah is not going to ban us from entering the heavens if we have Dai's like what we do today. But the rich bohra are not only selfish thinking of themselves first, but also dumb to believe that their wealth will buy their way to the heavens as the Dai's make them believe. The Koran makes it very clear that at the day of judgement your wealth will be useless. Only your good deeds. As the surah zilzaltu reminds us, a good as small as an atom will be recognized and an evil as small as an atom will be recognized. So beware the rich bohras, when the Dia or the devil apear the same, let your foolish and selfish greed turn to the ziarat of the recent dai's and see where it takes you. I wish I could witness the Tamasha then as I do now. Salaam to Humsafar our new Dai. Long live Humsafar.



yfm
Posts: 161
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:31 pm

#300

Unread post by yfm » Fri May 05, 2017 3:24 pm

Who cares whether valid Nass is conferred or not. Most bohras are now fed up with the dai and his administration. Whether they grieve openly or in silence, the faith in them has been breached or say the worst destroyed. Without faith where are the Dai's except that their followers are afraid to be honest. Without integrity, what is one except that he has sold his soul for a piece of silver.