jokes (keep it clean)

Lighten up a little and talk about movies, music, books and recipes and more... this forum provides the flip side to the intense and serious discussion taking place in other forums. No topic is off-limit here so long as it is within the accepted norms of decency and decorum.
New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: Mufaddal Saifuddin (and related topics)

#211

Unread post by New » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:41 am

I try to write funny things.. bhai jo Haswu na awe to haswa jivu mo banawjo. ..



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: Mufaddal Saifuddin (and related topics)

#212

Unread post by New » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:52 am

Mola padhara ek gam ma. Amtes after amtes lined up

Bairaoni thai gai kadam bosi. Molani thai gai Madame bosi.



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: Mufaddal Saifuddin (and related topics)

#213

Unread post by New » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:30 am

Mola akela jungle ma jatata. Magrib no wakhat thai gayo. Doa mangi. Turatj ek koowo dekhayo. Mola a baldi nakhi. Baldi nakhi to rupya aya Mola ghana khush thaya. Bijiwar euro pachi $$ heera manek sunnu awtu rahyu. Fajjer no wakhat thayo. Mola ghanaj thaki gaya. Doa kidhi a mari chelli baldi che. Awito Khake shifa. Mola e hamd kidho. Aato Bawaji saheb ni khabar banse.

Moral of the story.
Chore na potle dhul ni dhul...:-)..:-)



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: Mufaddal Saifuddin (and related topics)

#214

Unread post by New » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:10 am

why Mola hunts elephants?[/b I]



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: Mufaddal Saifuddin (and related topics)

#215

Unread post by New » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:42 am

Ek war Mola Imams sathe guftagu Kari

Imamye ghana.ghana pukara kahyu ke T. Mara dant chawwa na Juda ne dekhadwana juda. Mola zar zar hasa, kahyuke badha hathi ne jaan thi mari karish.

Mola shikar Mubarak...



SBM
Posts: 6140
Joined: Sun May 09, 2004 4:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#216

Unread post by SBM » Thu Aug 28, 2014 3:29 pm

A man talking to God
Man: How long is a million years to you?
God: It's about a minute
Man: How much is a million dollars to you?
God; It's a penny
Man : May I have a Penny?
God: Wait a minute.



wise_guy
Posts: 700
Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:52 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#217

Unread post by wise_guy » Mon Sep 15, 2014 12:09 am

Was watching the bollywood movie 1971 and came upon this joke.. or should I say truth!

Once a man (P1) asked another person (P2) : " Do Punjabis live in Pakistan"
P2: Yes, they live there
P1: and Sindhis ?
P2: Yes, Sindhis also live there
P1: What about our Muslim brothers ?
P2: Yes, they also live there but what do you want to ask or mean ??
P1: These people also live in India, so why did they create Pakistan ??
P2: He said regretfully, that it was a mistake.. it won't be repeated in the future :D



fustrate_Bohra
Posts: 678
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:46 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#218

Unread post by fustrate_Bohra » Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:30 am

Joke on dawoodi bohra

MS IS OUR DAI



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#219

Unread post by New » Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:33 pm

Business Consultant ,Mumbai, India
Company Description
The office of AL-Tijaarat al-Raabehah, under the auspeces of Hasanaat-al-Qard-al-Hasan-al-Burhaniyah, provides facilities for mumineen to start, run, grow, and sustain their businesses. A recent initiative by the office is a guidance division that offers counseling and consulting services to businesses across the globe. Our vision is to help people plan for the future, today.
Job Description
We are looking for business counselors and consultants on a part time, full time, and affiliate/association* basis. Areas of concern where we are looking to expand include:
Strategic planning
Management
Sales & Marketing
Succession planning
New business & product development
IT integration
…and more
*Affiliates/Associates (mumineen who are providing these services on a professional basis) please submit your company profile and list of services as well.
Qualifications
Individuals should have
Valuable experience in business, management and related fields
Dedication to helping others
Strong attention to detail
Excellent problem-solving skills
Innovative ideas
Verbal and written communication skills
Analytical report writing skills
Can any one translate this in to Lisan e Dawat, Shukran



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#220

Unread post by New » Wed Sep 24, 2014 5:04 pm

Q. Why Moula crossed the (rail) roard?

A. There was an elephant on the other side.
A. Abdes and amtes were there to kiss the $ (keeping it clean)
A. Kakaji saheb was there for gale lagwane.
A. Ullus were waiting on the otherside for TUS, Tamam Ulluna Sardar
A. Presenting as challenge to others, do not be chicken, do not worry ruffling muffy's feathers. Go ahead and make a turkey out of your Moula. No fowl language. Be proud as a peacock, abdes and amtes. More answers please.



humanbeing
Posts: 2195
Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2011 2:30 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#221

Unread post by humanbeing » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:38 am

New wrote:Q. Why Moula crossed the (rail) road?
A. Impatience
A. Mojiza



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#222

Unread post by New » Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:59 pm

humanbeing wrote:
New wrote:Q. Why Moula crossed the (rail) road?
A. Impatience
A. Mojiza
I am glad humanbeing bhai crossed over to answer without crossing any one. I respectfully disagree.
Impatience? Moula has infinite patience as for as the Moola is concerned.
Mojiza? No he would have stopped on the tracks and would have made Frontier Mail brought to a grinding halt, stopped in its track. However, if another train would have come from the other side...



anajmi
Posts: 13399
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2001 5:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#223

Unread post by anajmi » Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:09 pm

Q. Why Moula crossed the (rail) road?

A. To give kadambosi to the railway track.



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#224

Unread post by New » Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:54 pm

I was disappointed as no one translated this in to Dawatni Zababn. So I am taking azeem sawab myself.

New wrote:Business Consultant ,Mumbai, India
Company Description
The office of AL-Tijaarat al-Raabehah, What kind of under cover operation is this? Obviously money makin schemeunder the auspeces of Hasanaat-al-Qard-al-Hasan-al-Burhaniyah, provides facilities for mumineen to start, run, grow, and sustain their businesses. A recent initiative by the office is a guidance division that offers counseling and consulting services to businesses across the globe. Our vision is to help people plan for the future, today. Roti, Rida making and Dabba
Job Description
We are looking for business counselors and consultants on a part time, full time, and affiliate/association*Sheiks and Mullas basis. Areas of concern where we are looking to expand include:
Strategic planning for loots (
Management What is that?
Sales & Marketing You have to be the most perfect in this
Succession planningThis has to be Nass, London Style
New business & product developmentUtmost in need for revenue generation
IT integrationand Kaum disintegration
…and more
*Affiliates/Associates (mumineen define munineen who are providing these services on a professional basis) please submit your company profile and list of services as well.
Qualifications nothing beyond 7th grade
Individuals should have
Valuable experience in business, management and related fieldusing QJB is your role models
Dedication to helping others Oh yeh???
Strong attention to detail like cake decorating for Salgirah
Excellent problem-solving skills Say Lanat and khuda will take care of the problem
Innovative ideas
Verbal and written communication skillsFor Vahezwith temper tentrums
Analytical report writing skillsMadeh, Munajat or what, this last one really got me. HELP
Can any one translate this in to Lisan e Dawat, Shukran
[/b]



New
Posts: 440
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:49 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#225

Unread post by New » Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:15 pm

Old News: Moula crossed a downed Phatak.
Now
Maula crossed an active runway, jane Ram (Baba) rakhe tene kon chakhe!
Maula also crossed a 8 lane super highway. All the cars stopped so the passengers can do Sajda.
Maula crossed a shipping channel. The sea parted...
Sun Niraali Shaan che?



Moiz_Dhaanu
Posts: 209
Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:57 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#226

Unread post by Moiz_Dhaanu » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:43 pm

New wrote:Q. Why Moula crossed the (rail) roard?

A. There was an elephant on the other side.
A. Abdes and amtes were there to kiss the $ (keeping it clean)
A. Kakaji saheb was there for gale lagwane.
A. Ullus were waiting on the otherside for TUS, Tamam Ulluna Sardar
A. Presenting as challenge to others, do not be chicken, do not worry ruffling muffy's feathers. Go ahead and make a turkey out of your Moula. No fowl language. Be proud as a peacock, abdes and amtes. More answers please.
A. He lost a "Truth or Dare" challenge (Question was: Prove your nass is not fake?) . He could not , so he had to take up the Dare :twisted:
A. ShzQJ offered him the main role in his home production "Kick 2" if he would successfuly cross the rail track :lol:



anajmi
Posts: 13399
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2001 5:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#227

Unread post by anajmi » Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:59 am

:mrgreen: Nice ones.



dawedaar
Posts: 844
Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:40 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#228

Unread post by dawedaar » Sat Sep 27, 2014 11:01 pm

On seeing the success of India's Mars mission, Pakistan also decided to send a space mission.. Have a look.. :lol:
joker.jpg



abde53
Posts: 291
Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2003 5:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#229

Unread post by abde53 » Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:13 am

Now Parents are confused about future of their children whether to send kids to sell tea and become like Modi
Send them to IT and become like Kejriwal
send them abroad and become like Rahul Gandhi?
Tough decision :D



SBM
Posts: 6140
Joined: Sun May 09, 2004 4:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#230

Unread post by SBM » Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:16 am

abde53 wrote:Now Parents are confused about future of their children whether to send kids to sell tea and become like Modi
Send them to IT and become like Kejriwal
send them abroad and become like Rahul Gandhi?
Tough decision :D
Send them to Jamia and make them Aaamil then
He can sell Tea/Tiffin
can go abroad



wise_guy
Posts: 700
Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:52 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#231

Unread post by wise_guy » Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:39 pm

2 countries got independence in 1947...

While one reached Mars recently, the other is still trying to enter India ! :D



DisillusionedDB
Posts: 378
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:20 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#232

Unread post by DisillusionedDB » Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:55 pm

Received on Whatsapp;

कुछ लोग रेलवे फाटक पर बिना सब्र किये बैरियर के नीचे से बाइक निकाल ले जाते है |
ये वो लोग है जिनकी डिलीवरी हॉस्पिटल पहुंचने से पहले ही हो गई थी |
:lol: :lol:



asad
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:54 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#233

Unread post by asad » Sat Dec 13, 2014 4:55 am

Dividing Nuts On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One foryou, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh, my!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!" He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy.



asad
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:54 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#234

Unread post by asad » Sat Dec 13, 2014 5:02 am

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro." "Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver. "Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official. "Quattro is just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons." "You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law." The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!" "Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."



asad
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:54 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#235

Unread post by asad » Mon Dec 15, 2014 11:56 pm

(as the plane has just arrived at the gate and people started standing up while the seatbelt light was still on)

"We need some help cleaning the lavatories, please stand up if you can pitch in."

Boy did people sit down fast.



asad
Posts: 777
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:54 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#236

Unread post by asad » Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:44 am

Image



Abuzer
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:47 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#237

Unread post by Abuzer » Sat Dec 27, 2014 2:11 am

Son I’m sorry my husband is not your dad. I had an affair 23 years ago with a man. And that person is your real father.
Son: Mum, what rubbish!
How am I to deal with this?
Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him.. cause we are from different religions.
He is on the phone right now and wants to speak with his son, come talk to him.
Son: No I am not speaking to any one. My dad is the only father I know and so will that be.
Mother: Please don’t be so upset. Just talk to him.
Son: Ok, I will not commit anything.
On Phone: Morning Son, I am Mukesh Ambani. I am your real father.
Son: Maa ki Aaaannkkhhh…
Dad! Dad! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Luv u so much Dad!!!!
I always knew there was something special about me..
Thank you soooo much mum.
You are the best mum in d world!”
Moral:
Na Biwi Na Bachha ;
Na Baap Bada Na Bhaiya ;
The Whole thing is dat ki bhaiya Sabse Bada Rupaiya.......!!!



mukhtaarhusain
Posts: 36
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 4:48 pm

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#238

Unread post by mukhtaarhusain » Sat Dec 27, 2014 8:14 am

EK WAQT KOI GAAM MAA EK FAMILY MUHARRAM NI KOI LIVE SMS NI WAEZ SUNI NE GHARE AAWI NE MAA ENA BETA NE KAHE CHE KI DEKHO WAEZ KARTA KARTA MOULA KITNA ROE CHE..ANE...AAPNE KITNI KOSHISH KARE TO BHI EK AANSOO NAHI NIKALTU...BETA KAHE CHE KI MAA MOULA NE KHABAR CHE KI E KITLA GUNAH KIDA CHE ETLE ROE CHE... :D :D



Maqbool
Posts: 841
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 4:01 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#239

Unread post by Maqbool » Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:39 am

The rate of kasreaali intermarriage is a serious problem. Scientists estimate that unless something can be done to stop intermarriage, in 100 years, the kasreaali people will be reduced to a race of gorgeous blondes.



qutub_mamajiwala
Posts: 988
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:17 am

Re: jokes (keep it clean)

#240

Unread post by qutub_mamajiwala » Wed Jan 14, 2015 7:01 am

i fully support intermarraige between kothar
not that my advice is needed
just joking