Dear brainy Mumin brothers, sisters and (your) kids, many salams
This is a lucky day for all of you. You all have raza to avoid lootera tamasha in Houston. As I have said before, this Dai has no plans to waste your time and take your money. This sabaq is to warn you about “loot idiot Bohra scheme” set up by No-Syedna Maftalal, the fake dai from Mumbai.
Houston has a problem and what to do about it:
(1) Close to 10,000 Brainwashed Bohras (BWBs) will crawl to Houston to allow Mafatlal to take their money and plant idiot seeds in their brain for future harvesting. Please be careful and stay away from all BWBS. Approaching them without maula on your lips and a topi on your head converts them into walking dead (WDBs). Unfortunately, Producers of Walking Dead cannot accommodate any of them in cast as the program is in English. This Dai has a solution for them. All WDBs are welcome to request a boot up CD to restore their left brain. BWBs can obtain a software upgrade for free.
(2) It is expected that scary Sayas and Ridas are likely to benefit Halloween costume business. Direct all Halloween kids at your door to Houston tent to enjoy Abde Zombie costumes. Kids: If they do not give treats, take their topi and run. There is some gold in it.
(3) No-Syedna Mafatlal and his family members are planning to maximize their loot during the majlis for Imam Husain. If possible, take the money from BWBs and WDBs for safe keeping until Mafatlal departs. Remember standing up to zalim was what Karbala was all about.
(4) Some of the BWBs are likely to become undocumented in US. Unfortunately, none of them are qualified to clean hotel rooms or work on farms. During Tamasha period, dress up as Trump to scare them back to Mumbai. My office is setting up a large Thal to put all WDBs on it and spin it until they fall off the earth.
(5) An experienced Tourism department from a Middle East country advising Houston area hotels and restaurants to look out for theft spike during Tamasha. Hotels are asked to remove all towels, bed sheets, pillows, cutlery (they do not need it) from the room occupied by Abdes and Amtes. So, be prepared to see lots of wet Abdes and Amtes on the streets. Looking at men is not allowed. Peeking at women falls in grey area and therefore optional.
(6) Houston has a problem. This event is likely to stress food and health departments. High temperatures in Houston may barbeque some of the BWBs in tents. If you smell anything, call health department for sauce (oops inspection).
By the way, the Ashura event is to remind us to “stand fast against tyranny”. Please forward this Sabaq to all Bohras including BWBs and WDBs to reduce participation in Tamasha, protecting their money and reducing tyranny against Mumins.
I am off to lunch with my ridaless girl friend
. Time permitting I will pray for BW(brainwahed) Abde and Amte brains to come back. I plan to use my Taweel ability to put a copy of this Sabaq on every windshield at Mafatlal show (no hint here).Wish you all a great escape from Houston Tamasha and remember your wealth and paychecks are yours,
Your honest Syedna, BAB (Born again Bohra) Deen