We have a third candidate. Please forward to all bohras.
From the name, he is a deen na sahib.
>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Friends,
After watching two hats in the ring for next Syedna job, I have carefully analyzed the opportunity and decided
to enter the race.
Here are my qualifications:
(1) I am an ultimate outsider with no connection to other two candidates
(2) I have actually doled out more salams then I have taken in my life. So, I am a good deal for mumins.
(3) I am relatively young compared to other candidates and in good physical shape.
(4) I guarantee to vacate the position at age 80 or when senility sets in, which ever comes first.
My program:
(1) Reorganize kothar with health *[]==[] exerciseas top priority followed by education applause"/ .
(2) Mandatory training for all in health maintenance, food consumption and exercise programs.
All jamans will be pre-approved by the health committee headed by Dr. Fit Fidahussain and Dr. Slim
Saifuddin. Those who are overweight will stand and walk in circle during waez. Qurta, saya will be
replaced by Lulumon pants and T-shirts to help exercise. Ladies will have choice of colors.
(3) You will not be allowed to attend markaz unless you demonstrate ability and desire to use your brain frequently.
Those with diminished brain usage, will be sent to a competitor's place*X( angry.
(4) You will not be required to do salams to me. However, all potential salam money must be saved in children's
education accounts. If you fail to set up and fund education accounts, we will take your children and your
money and ship you to a competitor *L-) loser. Spouse transfer will be optional*:-c call me.
(5) Ashura matam will be optional and practiced one day a year. It will be conducted such that no beating sound is heard.
Remember, this is an event to express sorrow, not hurt yourself.
(6) All dues collected by local Jamaat will be spent locally for the benefit of local members. Each Jamat will elect
its own Aamil from a list of qualified persons for a two year term. All elected Aamils will become members of the
Kothar council. Kothar will be run using the funds accumulated over last 50 years. It is estimated that kothar has
over $400 million dollars in hidden bank accounts. That should be enough to run kothar for next 40+ years.
(7) We also plan to reverse the wealth flow. Now on it will be from kothar to people. You will receive money for attending
all events. There will be a frequent attender program.For every five events you attend, you will be entitled to miss an event.
Those attending via Internet will be given preferred Bohra status.
(8) The following discounts will apply:
Misaq and wedding: 30% discount compared to competitor.
Sheikh title will be discontinued unless some rich guy insist. In that case, we will take the idiot's money
Funerals: Free (one per person - we don't think anyone is coming back).
(9) A retraining program will be launched for all children, grand kids and great grand kids of current kothar families. They will
have an option to retrain to work at McDonald, KFC or Pizza Hut. Those declining training will be exiled to Bohra Tea party.
In return for my services, everyone will be required to call me: "You are the man" .
I ask for your support. Do not send any money or checks. My administration only accepts Bitcoins.
Yours truly, BAB (Born again Bohra) Deen
