The barbaric form of iddah

[Michigan]

Iddah as prescribed in scripture is the duration in which the widow cannot marry another man and another man is forbidden from proposing marriage to the widow. If the prescription is so simple, why is the bohra form of this practice so cruel and barbaric towards the widow.
As if the loss of her husband wasn't enough trauma, now she has to wear white, stay indoors 24/7, be dependent on someone else and maintain utmost caution all the time. One can only imagine the mental abuse and scar this will cause on the woman.
As a son and a husband, I really wish this issue is taken up by social media and reform groups like sahiyo with the same grit as FGM is. Please educate me on the origins of the practice that bohras follow. This practice definitely does not have place in a civilized society

[zinger]

Iddah as prescribed in scripture is the duration in which the widow cannot marry another man and another man is forbidden from proposing marriage to the widow. If the prescription is so simple, why is the bohra form of this practice so cruel and barbaric towards the widow.
As if the loss of her husband wasn't enough trauma, now she has to wear white, stay indoors 24/7, be dependent on someone else and maintain utmost caution all the time. One can only imagine the mental abuse and scar this will cause on the woman.
As a son and a husband, I really wish this issue is taken up by social media and reform groups like sahiyo with the same grit as FGM is. Please educate me on the origins of the practice that bohras follow. This practice definitely does not have place in a civilized society

if its a movement that you want to start, count me in. i couldnt stop my mum but i have forbidden my wife from sitting in iddat for me

[ajamali]

One way to get MS to ban the practice is to have STF tell newspapers that FD supports it....Just a thought....

[kimanumanu]

This is one of my bug-bears too. It really gets me when someone says the widow cannot even speak on the phone or look at a picture of a male!!!! I mean, how is looking at a man's picture got anything to do with the iddat? Am I missing something in our glorious taawil?

[zinger]

This is one of my bug-bears too. It really gets me when someone says the widow cannot even speak on the phone or look at a picture of a male!!!! I mean, how is looking at a man's picture got anything to do with the iddat? Am I missing something in our glorious taawil?

looking at pics used to be done years ago, but thankfully, it has changed now. most women watch TV and read newspapers (something that i remember my Dadi and Nani did not do), not that this change is any small compensation. women can pick up the phone but they may not talk. the person at the other end (assuming that they know she is in iddat) can just relay the message and hang up, without expecting an answer, or can sms or whatsapp too.

things have thankfully become less rigid with passing times though

[kimanumanu]

No zinger bhai - it totally varies and depends on the families. Apparently the official line, if one asks, is still quite rigid. No whatsapp, no mobiles, no TV, no pictures is the official line I have heard. Yes people do their own interpretation like everything else.

[LFT]

This is a pet peeve for me too. The Quran does specify 4 months and 10 days of mourning specific to women only. Can anyone throw light on other sources which would explain what this mourning is. I understand the logic of not getting married in that time frame but what about staying inside the house.

[Biradar]

This is a pet peeve for me too. The Quran does specify 4 months and 10 days of mourning specific to women only. Can anyone throw light on other sources which would explain what this mourning is. I understand the logic of not getting married in that time frame but what about staying inside the house.

This topic of Iddat has been discussed very extensively here. Just search and you will find extensive discussions. In essence, the original purpose of iddat was to establish pregnancy. That is, if a woman was pregnant just at the time of her husband's death and married immediately, the paternity of the child would not be clear. Hence the prescribed waiting period.

Now, of course, pregnancy can be determined in a matter of minutes and hence there is no need for iddat. It has become an empty ritual which women are supposed to go through. I am sure the mad fanatics will produce a lot of "reasons" why women should sit in iddat, but they don't hold any water.

As usual, a simple prescription in the Qu'ran has morphed into a grotesque torture for women. It is a sign of the highly patriarchal Islamic laws. It would be an interesting topic of research why Ismaili law has such an extreme form of iddat. In the case of FGM, the Ismaili laws can be traced to North African influences on the legal thinking of S. Qadi al-Nu'man. It is likely that FGM was practiced widely in North Africa when the Fatimid Imams conquered Egypt and hence it influenced the Ismaili law which was codified then.

Incidentally: I believe STF has agreed to look into this matter. I think it would be good if Fatemi Dawaat were to study this issue and essentially get rid or at least simplify this barbaric ritual of iddat.

[Michigan]

Can somebody please tell me if other muslim communities also practice iddat to the extent we do? If yes, I do not believe how is it still a commonplace thing. How are we justifying ourselves in view of accusations of being from the middle ages and having no place in modern society? Are we slowly turning into apologists just to keep some archaic traditions going and giving innovative explanations for them? If we are to stand by traditions that the mainstream social structure doesnt approve of, why stand by few, why not all? How does that then make us any different from salafists/wahabbis? Isnt it the imam's/dai's job to interpret the scripture according to the times?

Seems like between all your bickering and whining, you forgot to ask the important questions. Reading some of the older posts makes me think this forum has become a graveyard for trolls.

[Biradar]

Seems like between all your bickering and whining, you forgot to ask the important questions. Reading some of the older posts makes me think this forum has become a graveyard for trolls.

Your arrogance and hubris is astounding. Instead of complaining and asking others to answer your questions, why don't you do the research and tell us the answers you find? This is really the problem with Bohras in general. Always wanting others to do something, while they sit on their own hands repeating "Suu karisoo, Suu karisoo". Perhaps you are not smart enough to find things yourself and hence always need someone else to do the thinking for you. Existing evidence based on your posting history points in this direction.

As to the role of Imam and da'i in interpreting scriptures. Yes, they do it and have done it all the time. The issue here is that nothing happens overnight, or even in the period of years. These are complex topics which have centuries of history behind them. Things can't be changed willy-nilly without much study and research. There is a clear waiting period mentioned in the Qu'ran. Significant research is needed to understand the motivations of the existing law and if changes are warranted and how to do them in the framework of the Qur'an and the Hadith literature. This takes time. As happened with FGM, at least Fatemi Dawaat is bound to ease the burden of idaat at some point. Won't happen soon, but it will happen. Meanwhile, you have a choice and if you feel that the idaat is not proper do not do it. Allah has given you a brain, however defective. Learn to use it. That is all.

Again: all these topics have been discussed at length. Just please read and stop whining.

[Michigan]

I apologize if I came across as arrogant and disrespectful. My retort wasn't pertaining to this post but to the general direction in which most posts on this forum go. My reason for asking questions right away wasn't my inability to conduct research or laziness either, but to get feedback from folks who are communicating on this post and their viewpoint on it.
As to change, does the society drive study and research that the religious authority does based on current hot button issues? I'm assuming that is how FD was prompted to look into the matter and issue statements in the case of FGM. If that is true, why shouldn't we make the misogynistic version of iddat a hot button issue as well? I dont think it took years of study for FD to release statements but right when the crescendo was at its highest.
Please understand that forums die a natural death when newer members are discouraged from asking questions and given "the search button exists" answer. Thank you for sagely advice.

[SBM]

Please understand that forums die a natural death when newer members are discouraged from asking questions and given "the search button exists" answer. Thank you for sagely advice

.
No Forums die a natural death when newer members do not take time to read posts which may have posted by members who are no longer alive. There are many scholarly views by people like Dr Asgharali Engineer and then there is Zahir-Batin by Taizoon Shakir, both of them are no longer on this forum but their memories are with us under SEARCH BUTTON
There is a reason why this forum has SEARCH BUTTON.

[Biradar]

I apologize if I came across as arrogant and disrespectful. My retort wasn't pertaining to this post but to the general direction in which most posts on this forum go. My reason for asking questions right away wasn't my inability to conduct research or laziness either, but to get feedback from folks who are communicating on this post and their viewpoint on it.
As to change, does the society drive study and research that the religious authority does based on current hot button issues? I'm assuming that is how FD was prompted to look into the matter and issue statements in the case of FGM. If that is true, why shouldn't we make the misogynistic version of iddat a hot button issue as well? I dont think it took years of study for FD to release statements but right when the crescendo was at its highest.

The issue is the following: many topics have been discussed to death. It is ok to ask questions but it also behoves one to look around a little to see what has been said before. If there are new ideas we can think through them. But honestly, it is good to not start from scratch every time. Also, as SBM has said, important things have been said by people who have passed away, or no longer participate. Hence, first let's get a good picture and then discuss further. There is no harm in discussing a topic with a fresh mind, but the way you put your post it seemed no one before you had thought about this at all! A simple search would reveal otherwise.

To the specific topic of idaat: the real problem is not with the priests, it is with people's attitudes. If you simply say I won't do it, that will be it. Ditto for FGM. Yes, FGM is a horrible thing, but why would a mother subject her daughter to it? All one has to do is say "NO". The problem with Bohras is they rely too much on the mullahs. We all have the ability and right to make choices for ourselves and our families. A little courage is needed. Sadly, courage and bohras can't be used in the same sentence, the Mafia clergy having reduced the average bohri to a spineless groveling abde.

My suggestion is to study matters and decide for ourselves. Don't rely too much on mullahs. They operate on their own schedules and on their own whims and fancies. Meanwhile, we can use our own intellects to determine what path we wish to take.

[alam]

Newbies especially Michigan

Search of "iddah" resulted 64 occurrences
/search.php?keywords=Iddah&terms=all&aut ... mit=Search

Search of "iddah" resulted in 400+ occurrences

search.php?keywords=Iddat+&terms=all&au ... mit=Search

[Biradar]

It is rather amusing that in 2011 the very first comment that SBM made was:

This topic has been discussed in length on this forum, Please do a search under Iddat and you will get to thread.

That thread goes on for 8 pages. Then we had more people on this forum, with radically different views. There is even a thread from 2010, started by SBM! In it, a key contributor at that time (but sadly absconding now) said:

For my views on iddat and its basis in the Quran, click on 'Advanced Search' at the top right of this page. Insert keyword iddat and author porus and click search.

You will get the snippets of my posts which you can expand to read.

So even in 2010 people were telling each other to just "search"!

I have to say, we had a lot of fun on this board then. Somehow, with all the old-timers gone things are boring, repetitive and not interesting. Certainly, very few have IQ greater than that of a parsnip. The twilight of this board is sad to see.

[kseeker]

It is rather amusing that in 2011 the very first comment that SBM made was:

This topic has been discussed in length on this forum, Please do a search under Iddat and you will get to thread.

That thread goes on for 8 pages. Then we had more people on this forum, with radically different views. There is even a thread from 2010, started by SBM! In it, a key contributor at that time (but sadly absconding now) said:

For my views on iddat and its basis in the Quran, click on 'Advanced Search' at the top right of this page. Insert keyword iddat and author porus and click search.

You will get the snippets of my posts which you can expand to read.

So even in 2010 people were telling each other to just "search"!

I have to say, we had a lot of fun on this board then. Somehow, with all the old-timers gone things are boring, repetitive and not interesting. Certainly, very few have IQ greater than that of a parsnip. The twilight of this board is sad to see.

Porus was an absolute gem.. I hope he/she is well and safe...
The quality of the members in a group depend on the topics being discussed.. before, it was so much about Islam, the different belief in various sects, the actual problems faced by common bohras.... yes there was a lot discussed on the corruption in the 'regime' but it was done in a decent manner... not like how I see now, people abusing and name calling each other, taking cheap shots etc.. it is more like fan boys trying to protect their idols and trolling on those who don't share their opinions... because the topics have changed, the people on this forum have as well....

I still think this place is a library of knowledge.. Often when I am looking for an answer or an opinion, I search the forum and find some really great content to help me...

[Biradar]

Porus was an absolute gem.. I hope he/she is well and safe...
The quality of the members in a group depend on the topics being discussed.. before, it was so much about Islam, the different belief in various sects, the actual problems faced by common bohras.... yes there was a lot discussed on the corruption in the 'regime' but it was done in a decent manner... not like how I see now, people abusing and name calling each other, taking cheap shots etc.. it is more like fan boys trying to protect their idols and trolling on those who don't share their opinions... because the topics have changed, the people on this forum have as well....

If one looks at old posts here, say from 10-15 years ago one will find also people abusing each other, name calling, taking cheap shots etc. Even Porus was prone to sometimes losing his cool. However, despite the intense debate (sometimes very heated) there was some progress being made in people's understanding.

Today there are two key differences: First, many topics have been exhausted and online forums are no longer a "thing". Most people have moved to low-IQ platforms like WhatsApp etc and are not interested in debate. It is much easier to forward a harmless message to your buddies than think carefully. Second, the Progressive movement (with a capital "P") has essentially lost the battle against the da'i and his establishment. It was not a symmetric battle to start off with, but now the defeat is total. The rise of Muffy is a sign of the times: extreme fanaticism and thoughtless worshipping of the da'i. SMB started this trend (he was a serious megalomaniac) but Muffy has perfected it.

In some ways, what may undo the Bohra clergy is simple change in demographics. Bohras are having fewer kids than in the past, and this is causing a declining population. Also, many children born in the West are indifferent to the Bohra clergy and are not interested in their nonsense. They are not interested in reform but simply do not care about these topics. So eventually, number of Bohras may get to a point where the clergy would not find support. Incidentally, this is happening in the Alavi Bohras at a rapid rate. They put up an article on this very topic a few months ago, lamenting how homes were getting bigger but children fewer. They are really facing a demographics collapse that threatens to wipe them out. DBs are many more, but it does not take a long time for a less than sustaining birth rates to collapse the community, specially when no one in their right mind would want to convert to this mad house "religion".

[Humsafar]

Agreed Biradar, WhatsApp has dumbed down the whole world and especially Bohras. Also, the the succession dispute has distracted Bohras, creating further confusion among their ranks. The highhandedness of the mafia clergy has been discussed on this Forum for more than two decades, not only there's nothing new to be said, but under Mufaddal things have gone totally out control. Whatever faint hope people may have had of reform has disappeared into thin air.
In another thread you mentioned that it is sad to see this Forum in this state, I think the old timers would echo that sentiment. Keseeker you're right, this space was once thriving with debate and discussion. I miss all the veterans, but thankfully a few of you still peek in now and then. Otherwise we have viruses and fanboys and girls having it out with abandon. We all know that in an empty house pests have the run of the place

[ajamali]

Agreed Biradar, WhatsApp has dumbed down the whole world and especially Bohras. Also, the the succession dispute has distracted Bohras, creating further confusion among their ranks. The highhandedness of the mafia clergy has been discussed on this Forum for more than two decades, not only there's nothing new to be said, but under Mufaddal things have gone totally out control. Whatever faint hope people may have had of reform has disappeared into thin air.
In another thread you mentioned that it is sad to see this Forum in this state, I think the old timers would echo that sentiment. Keseeker you're right, this space was once thriving with debate and discussion. I miss all the veterans, but thankfully a few of you still peek in now and then. Otherwise we have viruses and fanboys and girls having it out with abandon. We all know that in an empty house pests have the run of the place

Oh please... when you call someone a pest, you are also name-calling. At least I do it without pretense and only as a rebuke when provoked by the virus.

Also your assumption that I am a fan-boy is a bit off. Quite a bit off.

[yfm]

I am beginning to like Ajamali Bhai. He is bringing semblance to what is becoming a neurotic fiasco. Hope it leads to progress. What happened on the debate on Iddah. Ajamali bhai had suggested was "One way to get MS to ban the practice is to have STF tell newspapers that FD supports it....Just a thought....".

Did Ajamali's suggestion work? Did KK's wife skip iddah or observed it?

[ajamali]

I am beginning to like Ajamali Bhai. He is bringing semblance to what is becoming a neurotic fiasco. Hope it leads to progress. What happened on the debate on Iddah. Ajamali bhai had suggested was "One way to get MS to ban the practice is to have STF tell newspapers that FD supports it....Just a thought....".

Did Ajamali's suggestion work? Did KK's wife skip iddah or observed it?

Why does it matter? Why don’t we stop worrying about other people’s personal choices and other people’s finances and worry about our own conscience, good deeds and mental and spiritual well being. I find it amusing that the people on this forum have renounced the Bohra clergy but are forever concerned about their finances and their personal choices. In all honesty, if a woman refuses to practice iddat, no clergy can force her to do so. So why all the fuss? There is no force in religion after all. You choose to follow teachings of a person or you choose not to. It is all up to you.

Yes there may be a cost associated with certain choices so the choice is all about whether you want to pay the price or not.

[Biradar]

I am beginning to like Ajamali Bhai. He is bringing semblance to what is becoming a neurotic fiasco. Hope it leads to progress. What happened on the debate on Iddah. Ajamali bhai had suggested was "One way to get MS to ban the practice is to have STF tell newspapers that FD supports it....Just a thought....".

Did Ajamali's suggestion work? Did KK's wife skip iddah or observed it?

Why does it matter? Why don’t we stop worrying about other people’s personal choices and other people’s finances and worry about our own conscience, good deeds and mental and spiritual well being. I find it amusing that the people on this forum have renounced the Bohra clergy but are forever concerned about their finances and their personal choices. In all honesty, if a woman refuses to practice iddat, no clergy can force her to do so. So why all the fuss? There is no force in religion after all. You choose to follow teachings of a person or you choose not to. It is all up to you.

Yes there may be a cost associated with certain choices so the choice is all about whether you want to pay the price or not.

I don't know which planet you live on, but clearly not on Earth. You think it is a woman's choice to not sit for iddat? Really? Are you so naive? Do you know the pressure from family and friends, let alone the mullahs that is brought upon the woman? Also, what is the justification of Iddat? Please let us know. Why should a 70-75 year old woman do it? Please explain.

You say "There is no force in religion after all". Lol ... what a childish thing to say. Really? Tell that to the hundreds of families who were ripped apart by SMB and STS all while your dharm guru SKQ sat silent for decades. Tell that to the dozens of women who were assaulted by goons right in front of SMB. Or the families who were tortured and harassed for years. Please. You are so naive that it is sad. Grow up and see reality. People have suffered while your dharm guru SKQ sat in luxury in his bungalow in Thane and then in the US, sending his kids to the most expensive schools around the world.

You seem to think that the Progressive movement was all just in fun. No one was forcing them after all! Lol. Please read the history of what happened during the last century, with the intense force and pressure from SMB, his father, his brothers and now his kids and grandkids. My friend, I have witnessed this force first-hand. I have seen my family members, who were very loyal to STS and SMB, beaten up and harassed, their house almost burned down. So please take your naive fairy-tail about "no force" elsewhere.

[Biradar]

Agreed Biradar, WhatsApp has dumbed down the whole world and especially Bohras. Also, the the succession dispute has distracted Bohras, creating further confusion among their ranks. The highhandedness of the mafia clergy has been discussed on this Forum for more than two decades, not only there's nothing new to be said, but under Mufaddal things have gone totally out control. Whatever faint hope people may have had of reform has disappeared into thin air.
In another thread you mentioned that it is sad to see this Forum in this state, I think the old timers would echo that sentiment. Keseeker you're right, this space was once thriving with debate and discussion. I miss all the veterans, but thankfully a few of you still peek in now and then. Otherwise we have viruses and fanboys and girls having it out with abandon. We all know that in an empty house pests have the run of the place

Under Muffy raj things certainly have gone to hell. I had not thought things could get any worse, but well, here you go. We reached the bottom and Muffy started digging. It is also funny to see fanboys of the FD guy all gushing about how there is no force in religion! I mean, seriously, I don't know if to cry or laugh. These FD STF brothers and sisters lived a life of grotesque luxury and decadence. Now they have lost part of it but want it back. They want thousands of fan-boys praising them non-stop. They never said a word while families were torn apart by their uncle and grandpa. But now that their own family is torn they cry and write weeping and sentimental books of poetry! Truly, the naivety of fan-boys and the amazing entitlement of the mullahs of either sides knows no bounds!!

[ajamali]

Why does it matter? Why don’t we stop worrying about other people’s personal choices and other people’s finances and worry about our own conscience, good deeds and mental and spiritual well being. I find it amusing that the people on this forum have renounced the Bohra clergy but are forever concerned about their finances and their personal choices. In all honesty, if a woman refuses to practice iddat, no clergy can force her to do so. So why all the fuss? There is no force in religion after all. You choose to follow teachings of a person or you choose not to. It is all up to you.

Yes there may be a cost associated with certain choices so the choice is all about whether you want to pay the price or not.

I don't know which planet you live on, but clearly not on Earth. You think it is a woman's choice to not sit for iddat? Really? Are you so naive? Do you know the pressure from family and friends, let alone the mullahs that is brought upon the woman? Also, what is the justification of Iddat? Please let us know. Why should a 70-75 year old woman do it? Please explain.

You say "There is no force in religion after all". Lol ... what a childish thing to say. Really? Tell that to the hundreds of families who were ripped apart by SMB and STS all while your dharm guru SKQ sat silent for decades. Tell that to the dozens of women who were assaulted by goons right in front of SMB. Or the families who were tortured and harassed for years. Please. You are so naive that it is sad. Grow up and see reality. People have suffered while your dharm guru SKQ sat in luxury in his bungalow in Thane and then in the US, sending his kids to the most expensive schools around the world.

You seem to think that the Progressive movement was all just in fun. No one was forcing them after all! Lol. Please read the history of what happened during the last century, with the intense force and pressure from SMB, his father, his brothers and now his kids and grandkids. My friend, I have witnessed this force first-hand. I have seen my family members, who were very loyal to STS and SMB, beaten up and harassed, their house almost burned down. So please take your naive fairy-tail about "no force" elsewhere.

Yada yada.... We suffer now too. We are not strangers to clerical oppression. Those who chose to be with FD had their siblings, parents, aunts and uncles and cousins and sometimes even their children taken away from them. Those with FD openly lost a majority of family and societal ties in one day and received harassing phone calls and emails for years after SMBs passing. Those such as myself who succumbed to family pressure and chose not to pay the price of family ties and friendships, pay a spiritual price every single day. So, it is all about the price you are willing to pay. In the MS world, a woman would have to pay a heavy price indeed for not following a certain prescribed observation of iddat. I have seen many in the family having to live under draconian restrictions because they were not willing to challenge the idiotic prescriptions made by the Aamil’s wife.

In FD, I expect that STF would make a compassionate interpretation of the texts as he has done with khafz. He said in a waaz that our kitaabs gave a lot of concessions for the practice of iddat depending on the situation of the woman. But I cannot speak for him. I can only go by what he has done and said so far. I expect that women have a lot of say in how they want to practice it. I asked someone I know who had practiced it, if she felt it was oppressive. She said that in fact, she found it to be a time of healing, peace and introspection and she also felt it was a privilege that she was relieved of the day to day grind of having to run to the grocery or to attend social events that she was not ready for. So it is not as if all women are against it. However one must make rooms for varying situations and circumstances.

The bottom line is that the woman would not be forced to sit in iddat in a rigid and prescribed manner. I expect that guidance would be given to her such that she could make informed choices but she would not be forced. That I am certain of.

[kseeker]

I do remember asking an elderly Jamia teacher about this.. I think he is still teaching there.. anyways, his answer was that this method helps get rid of all sorrow from the woman's heart... I told him that if that was the case, why aren't men told to do it? Moreover, the amount of sorrow one has depends mainly on the relationship... for example, I remember my grandmother used to miss my grandfather and cry for years after his departure.. and she the iddat thing to the dot... on the other hand, I would be surprised if my wife would shed a tear after the second hour of my passing... so I really don't think she would require this... he just laughed and said he doesn't know, this is the explanation given to him...

[TalibBhai]

I do remember asking an elderly Jamia teacher about this.. I think he is still teaching there.. anyways, his answer was that this method helps get rid of all sorrow from the woman's heart... I told him that if that was the case, why aren't men told to do it? Moreover, the amount of sorrow one has depends mainly on the relationship... for example, I remember my grandmother used to miss my grandfather and cry for years after his departure.. and she the iddat thing to the dot... on the other hand, I would be surprised if my wife would shed a tear after the second hour of my passing... so I really don't think she would require this... he just laughed and said he doesn't know, this is the explanation given to him...

your faith in your wife is really strong

[bohra_manus]

I had an exchange of messages with a die hard abde on this topic. I questioned the need for a 75 year old to do the Iddat as there is no more a need for proving if she is carrying child from the deceased person. His response was that it has been proven by the scientists in the west that mans DNA can reside in the women's body for 4 months and 10 days which is exactly the Iddat Period.

[Biradar]

We suffer now too. We are not strangers to clerical oppression. Those who chose to be with FD had their siblings, parents, aunts and uncles and cousins and sometimes even their children taken away from them. Those with FD openly lost a majority of family and societal ties in one day and received harassing phone calls and emails for years after SMBs passing. Those such as myself who succumbed to family pressure and chose not to pay the price of family ties and friendships, pay a spiritual price every single day.

So you admit being a coward? What happened to "there is no force in religion"? I guess it is convenient for you at this point not to live by your principles but you think others should be lectured about how you know for sure that there is "no force in religion" while you enjoy both sides!

Also, please remember that SKQ and his kids never said a word against any atrocities being done by SMB, or their grandpa or uncles and cousins. For decades they enjoyed luxury and decadence, going to expensive schools and on fun-filled vacations all over the world. When they had it good SKQ was silent and just kept enjoying in Thane and USA. His kids were running around the planet too, enjoying and ignoring their cousin's atrocious and terroristic activities. Now you say you are "not strangers to clerical oppression". Lol. After ripping apart other families for decades now they have it a little inconvenient and suddenly you become aware of "clerical oppression". Worse, you are enjoying both sides. Please read the Qu'ran and understand what it says about such double faced hypocrites.

As to the question of Iddat: this is an ancient and barbaric practice that has no reason to continue in the modern world. The ridiculous requirement of secluding yourself for 4 months even from the sight of a non-mehram man is absurd. What is going to happen? The woman 70 year old woman will get pregnant just from the male gaze?! Or you are saying yourself now that "su su thai jai" and that the woman will have uncontrolled lust and jump the man? If it is a question of establishing pregnancy you can do it in < 1 min these days. Also, it is unlikely that a 70-80 year-old grandma has an active sexual lifestyle. Also, you can get "healing" and do "introspection" without being a party (by doing it) to perpetuating a terrible and barbaric practice on other women,

Also, the question is not if some woman wants to do it or not. Maybe there is 1 in 10000 women who can make her choice independent of family and clerical pressure. It is not a question when FD guy will make some ruling based on his present convenience and when he finds time from his permanent vacation in Thane or Bakersfield. This is also a question about ethics and simple practicality, and relevance to the modern world and a proper egalitarian understanding of Islam. The verse in the Qur'an 2:234 simply states to wait for 4 months and 10 days before remarrying. That is all. It does not say to wear white, to avoid male gaze, to do anything else. Just wait, that's all. This specific time-period is to establish pregnancy. Now we can do that in < 1 min as I said above. You can reflect and introspect at your leisure without needing ruling from from a guy who is enjoying 24/7 and is clueless about the suffering his own family has caused to 1000s of others.

[Biradar]

... on the other hand, I would be surprised if my wife would shed a tear after the second hour of my passing...

Well said!

My wife and I talk about this sometimes and laugh at the absurdity of her hiding for 4 months after I leave this hayula-nu-aalam and she is still around (a statistical likelihood is that men die before their women. Why? Because they want to!). I mean, she plans to go on a world tour and see all the places we loved and visited together and probably will be thankful to have the extra space in bed! Thankfully as we have removed ourselves from the clutches of all mullahs, both the guy in Thane and the moron-in-chief in Sri Lanka, how to mark my death will be completely up to her and no one else.

[Ambassador_Mumbai]

@Biradar & Kseeker,

If I may ask,

1. could there be some tawil or Haqiqat explanation for this duration?

2. If pregnancy determination was the only reason for iddah then why would there be different waiting period Iddah(mourning) and Iddah(divorce)?

from what I Know the way Iddah is practised in subcontinent has lot to do with legacy of hindu culture..
which makes it more difficult then it is supposed to be...