New Rules..!!

[Safiuddin]

Now, AZ -give Mustaf A nalwala a break already.
He has to stop off at mandir on the way back from Saifee Palace.
After being turned away from the Darbar of The Great Gundasahib (TUS),
he needs time to hide his embarrassment and humiliation.
Besides they usually have good prasad at mandir.

[profastian]

just getting in reports, all hush-hush, that some major proclamations are in the offing. 'deep throat' is gathering intelligence on this, but speculation seems to be centering on some new religious titles for sale. something innovative and ingenious... watch this space closely folks.

Deep throat again
Have your wife left you? No wonder you are barking like a dog in heat...

[Al Zulfiqar]

seems that nalwala, exhausted and cornered with my relentless attacks on his unshakeable faith in the mojiza na saheb, who hunts and murders innocent wild animals, accepts sajdas and lives a life of ayyashi with his vast family; is now losing the plot completely.

as one of the last and desperate tactics remaining in his by now depleted arsenal, nalwala has resorted to frantic gaali galoch, futile attempts at diversions, mud-slinging and vague, delusional talk, all of which point to his highly stressed mental situation. under normal circumstances i would desist from driving the final nail into such a pitiable fellow's coffin, but since nalwala has determined that he must die ignobly like a miyabhai with his tangdi perennially unchi, i have to perform my sacred duty and grant him no quarter.

i have been contacted by his colleagues from work, who are worried about the gradual deterioration in his job performance and mental health. they feel he is slowly but surely breaking up and going completely loco. i have declined any offer to help, citing the recent selection of nalwala as this forum's 'CHAMPION IDIOT'. i feel that he is beyond the point of no-return, beyond any help. doctors and learned men of science have given him up as a basket case.

his only and last hope is a miracle from his mojiza na saheb.

[Al Zulfiqar]

nalwala, you just proved my point. you have gone cuckoo!!

please pray to syedna for another mojiza, pleeaaassse

[Al Zulfiqar]

nalwala,

were you blessed with another mojiza from your haq na saheb as you were so desperately wanting?

perhaps you need to increase the intensity of your urges - it must be at orgasmic level - to get the desired results. ... try harder my friend.

[Al Zulfiqar]

its been almost 2 weeks and nalwala has not reported another mojiza from his haq na saheb, inspite of him praying long and hard that Al Zulfiqar should disappear.

perhaps the influence is waning? either syedna's powers are fading or nalwala is no longer worth obliging in syedna's books. tch, tch... nalwala, it seems that only a fakhir najwa of 27 crores might bring the desired results.

[Al Zulfiqar]

nalwala,

after such a long diatribe, you still didnt answer whether you got the sharaf of another mojiza or not?

it was just a simple question. why did you take off on your broom in this fashion???

[Al Zulfiqar]

you do realise what, that makes you right!!!

nalwala,

so glad that you finally saw sense and realised i was right all along. thank you, thank you! see, syedna's mojizas are working for you. it takes a great man to admit he was wrong all along.

[Al Zulfiqar]

somebody who can only hit below the belt and who does not have the balls to face reality, i guess this is the best that you can do

mustafa mojizawala,

you gave up wearing your pants in my presence, so where does the question of a belt arise??!! (remember, a few days ago you offered your 'all' - a reverse sajda - to me as a peace offering after an ignominous defeat?)

in your case, to face reality, you will need more than balls or bats, (although you lost them too after your 3rd khatna) you will need another mojiza from haq na saheb.

pray harder. add a fakhir najwa for faster results.

[Al Zulfiqar]

mustafa mojizawala,

although i am much tempted to take up your offer, on second thoughts i will not.

i will tell you why. most people on this forum perhaps are too decent and gullible. they are taken in by your oh-so-honest-and-innocent pretense of being impartial and 'moderate'. but i am not one of them. i saw through you right at the outset for the hypocrite and fool that you are.

1. you sway either which way the wind blows, like a weather cock.
2. you have made it abundantly clear which way your loyalties lie.
3. you believe blindly in a dai who is committing unislamic acts,
4. you believe this sinner performs divine mojizas,
5. you jump to show 'likes' to the crass and derogatory posts of jaahil abdes on this forum which mock, ridicule and abuse the reformists and their reform agenda.
6. you address long standing and respected members of this forum, twice your age or more, with patronising and condescending posts, ridiculing their fact-filled observations of the excesses of the dai and his parasite family
7. in short, you are playing a clever game of hunting with the wolves and sleeping with the lambs.

this doesnt fool me and many others on this forum and i will not relent until you admit that you are as much an ass-licking sycophantic abde as your other abde friends and colleagues on this board. your feeble admittances that "yeah, ok, syedna shudnt hunt animals for sport.. like its not ok... blah blah", and in the very next breath upholding his divinity, is like having your cake and eating it too.

until such point you dont admit that:
1. you are a die-hard abde and give up your pretense of not being one,
2. dai cannot perform miracles, esp a sinner who constantly indulges in unislamic acts,
3. that you were wrong in your misplaced faith in him,

be prepared to face the music. by nature i am a very loving, forgiving person and generally avoid confrontations, but let me warn you that i am also someone who will fight injustice and untruth upto the very bitter end. do not test my resolve, it has been tested in much more dire situations than your immature outbursts, whether personal or business,. i have dealt with crooked amils, jamaat committees and even upto zaada level and made them bite the dust. i am a staunch adherent of fairness, justice and truth and i find you severely lacking in all three.

[Al Zulfiqar]

Then let the games begin

the games ended a long time ago!! now do you know why you are the champion idiot of this forum.?

we have scheduled an award ceremony to felicitate your idiocy this sunday outside saifee mahal. this award will be presented to you by quid johnny after he goes snip, snip 'down under' on you once again. you will be presented with a shawl and bu saheba's sahifo, a brass coin and an empty envelope which you will fill with a fakhir najwa and return to mojiza na saheb. be there in fakhera libaas, who knows when another mojiza may strike you...?

[profastian]

Then let the games begin

the games ended a long time ago!! now do you know why you are the champion idiot of this forum.?

we have scheduled an award ceremony to felicitate your idiocy this sunday outside saifee mahal. this award will be presented to you by quid johnny after he goes snip, snip 'down under' on you once again. you will be presented with a shawl and bu saheba's sahifo, a brass coin and an empty envelope which you will fill with a fakhir najwa and return to mojiza na saheb. be there innakhera libaas, who knows when another mojiza may strike you...?

Why do not why invite him and few of us abdes to your house. As you are the most rational person and the one with the most integrity on this forum, MN will be honoured to receive the award from you. It would also allow you to satisfy your carnal desires, as your are lusting for bats and balls like a bit%$ in heat(MN having already offered himself to you). As for the desire for bats, the rest of the abdes would suffice. You can also invite your beloved deep throat as we abdes do not get satisfied easily. You would certainly need some help

[Al Zulfiqar]

Why do not why invite him and few of us abdes to your house.

that would not serve the purpose. the sole reason for holding the "champion idiot of PDB forum" award ceremony outside saifee mahal is, so that syedna can observe his favorite 'nallo' being felicitated and maybe do nawazish of another miracle for him. you are invited to attend with your fellow abde regressives. just let me know the numbers by today evening. thanks. i have been reliably informed that saifee mahal will be inviting us inside afterwards for a labrez ziyafat to celebrate the title awarded to mustafa mojizawala, syedna's favorite abde. if you behave well, you might get the beshumaar karam ane ehsaan of a mafsuhiyat or hadiyat too!.

[ozmujaheed]

there a way to use dislike buttons or flag something inappropriate , when a blog ends up a brawl between a few and goes on for days it completely digraces from the subject , it is the short circuit switch?

[Al Zulfiqar]

does anyone need any more confirmation why mustafa mojizawala is the priceless champion idiot of this forum?

i tell you this guy is so hilarious. he is like an athlete, all warmed up, and in his best spikes and shorts, raring to get started for his prized event at the london olympics, only he turns up there a year late...!!

Tell you what, send me confirmed date, in advance and i shall be there.

we have scheduled an award ceremony to felicitate your champion idiocy THIS SUNDAY (15th april) outside saifee mahal. this award will be presented to you by quid johnny .....

[Al Zulfiqar]

my sincere apologies to readers and reformists that this thread has languished for so long. I have been generally very busy with business and personal affairs that have kept me away from my desk and home base for extended periods. but the royal PIA (pain in the a#@e) family and their welfare has never been far from my mind and heart. deep throat has kept 'religiously' in touch with me and his reports have kept flowing to me as regularly as the constant flow of mojizas and shaanats of our beloved dai and his manhoos.

i have never wavered from keeping regular records of all the secret reports filed with me by deep throat. here is a small compilation of his meticulous eavesdropping and internal research conducted deep within the high security fortress and dungeons of saifee mahal.

rule no. 48.
it is hereby decreed by the manhoos and by his "the living dead" father that maatam and bayans take precedence over namaaz. doing purjosh maatam for hussain and belting out strident fact-filled bayans on the shaanats of our dai and his vice-regent are valued far above namaaz, in terms of spirituality and divine guidance - a la udaipur - where the stupid and pesky reformists made such a mountain out of a molehill and did not understand such a profound principle of our burhani religion. namaaz can wait, maatam and bayans cannot. this was also the practice of the prophet and ali, who were in direct communication with allah and were privy to the divine knowledge that it was duly sanctioned from the exalted almighty himself.

no 49.
since the dai is representative of allah - please be beholden to the fact that he is referred to as allah na dai - all his farmabardaar abdes automatically become messengers of allah! the bohra uniform of white std is a testament to this self-evident fact. very few diehard abdes and reformists appreciate that mola smb had this divine vision several decades ago. in order to bring home this simple truth to every abde, amte and emna naunihalo, mola embarked upon conferring titles of mulla, sheikh, nkd, mkd etc upon every able bohra and has kept persisting in this endeavour to elevate their divine status. fools and detractors do not have the intellectual and spiritual depth to understand these deep actions of mola, drenched with esoteric insider treasures showered upon us.

no. 50.
it is perfectly acceptable and in fact expected as part of our divine faith and spiritual obligations to oppose those lobbies and naapaak individuals who dare raise their voices against our dai e allah and accuse him and his faultless, innocent family of nepotism, corruption, usury, exploitation and ayyashi, tax evasion, illegal hoarding of wealth, misguidance, deception, treachery, persecution, excommunication, mental and physical torture etc etc. as part of our religious duties as an abde syedna, such groups and individuals must be roundly beaten, assaulted, molested, murdered, hanged, drawn and quartered without mercy. they are nothing but mushriqs, munafekeens, and muddai's and deserve to be annihilated without remorse, a la udaipur.

no. 51.
since islam and our faith is a constantly evolving one - witness the graduation to planes, trains, cars and cruise liners, shikar trips, religious uniforms, synchronised maatam, allottment of prayer spaces, automatic computerised deductions for vajebaats, 100 hour maatams, grand salgirah processions etc, it is now the new dictum that the best and most effective and spiritual religious leader is the one with the most wealth and the one with the most panache and elan to flaunt it. thus it automatically follows that those who are his staunchest and most fanatic believers will enrich themselves too beyond their wildest dreams of avarice, a la their leader. their wealth, power and influence is living proof of their leader’s religious prowess and of their own spirituality and piousness. bohras must be judged based on their material success not their adherence to the sacrosanct principles of islam or emulating the lives of the prophet and his sahabas, of ali and panjatan paak, nor also the lives of past dais or imams who sacrificed their lives for islam. So the richer the abde bohra, the better bohra he is, whether he is a rascal, drunkard, womaniser, gambler or wife beater and dacoit is of no relevance. In fact such bohras are actively advised to seek lofty titles and sharaf of ziyafat, kadambosi, etc to atone for their sins.

no. 52.
as part of our evolving faith and recent revelations received by mola in the evening of his life and by his manhoos who has been receiving revelations from his recently departed bro, our man hoze’, ziyafats are a holy and spiritual duty of the highest order for every able abde. this ranks above tauheed and taqwa, namaaz and charity. a dai honors his abde by accepting a ziyafat, thus the act of ziyafat is twice blessed, for it not only helps the abde attain jannat ul firdaus, but also his mola. blessings and spiritual benefits are showered on both taker and giver, it is like nikaah, where both male and female achieve divine bliss in the eyes of allah.

no. 53.
with immediate effect, under the farmaan Mubarak of aali qadr manhoos mufaddal mola, all jamatkhanas and markaz’s shall begin conversion to theatre/cinema type halls with designated seating, controlled entry and exit points, large cinema screens, the latest in projection equipment and wherever possible, into 3d imax type sophisticated halls with dolby, cinemascope, and in larger cities into multiplexes. this will allow sale of tickets for every miqaat, majlis, urus, bayan and screening of documentaries on mola’s travels and also his divine family. although plum seats and choice rows will be reserved for the privileged shaikhs, mullas, committee members, amil saab and his family etc, the rest of the hoi-polloi will have the choice to choose their seats for one event or the entire season. these halls will have 21st century technological capability to convert into prayer halls when seats will fold into the ground and a qibla will rise from the stage. This arrangement will also allow all dues to be collected at the ticket booth where high speed computers will raise red flags when monies are due. This project is being refined and designs streamlined to suit both large and small complexes. more as deep throat reveals them, inshallah.....

and to conclude this report, let us all recite..
inna lid dai e, wa inna dai e rajeun.

[Humsafar]

Nice to have you back.

[Al Zulfiqar]

thank you! i have missed my fellow fedayeens from this forum...

[SAJJAD]

Wellcome back --- AL ZULFIQAR

[Al Zulfiqar]

Wellcome back --- AL ZULFIQAR

thank you

[porus]

Al Z,

Great to see you have retained your form. Don't go away. It's great to have you here!

[Al Zulfiqar]

thank you porus.

[ghulam muhammed]

Welcome back Bro Al Zulfiqar, the forum owes you a ziafat as a welcome gift !

[anajmi]

Al Z,

Good to have you back. I was wondering if I will have to employ the services of the manhoos to talk to you but I am glad you are well and kicking.

[SBM]

AZ
So you decided to stay in PURDAH for so long, any news from the Hidden Imam when the Zahoor will take place

[humanbeing]

Hi AZ !!
Welcome back !!

[Al Zulfiqar]

thanks all of u. it feels good to be back and to have been missed. in fact, i should most gratefully throw all of u a ziyafat bash and give you fakhir salaams and titles of shaikh, nkd, mkd etc. this should prove that in my lexicon there is no 'take take take; but 'give, give give', unlike the manhoos and his 'living dead' father.

[badrijanab]

AZ
So you decided to stay in PURDAH for so long, any news from the Hidden Imam when the Zahoor will take place

Brother SBM sahab,

You have every right to demand reforms in the non-religious and monetary matters of community. However, it is not pleasing that you being part of our faith and makes mockery of its core! Please be respectful when you address about Imam-uz-zaman.

Thanks.

[Al Zulfiqar]

this one came in only yesterday. deep throat insisted that it be put out asap as it has far reaching implications for true momeneen.

rule no 54

henceforth all sons of the dai will be addressed as "MOLA". eg. mola qaid johar (quid johnny), mola idris, mola blah blah and etc, while the dai will be known as dai ul mutlaq, aqa mola, maula al mannan, haq na dai, haqiqi kaaba, natiqe quran, shamsud duatal mutleqeen, allah na dai, ilah ul ardh, hussain na waris etc.

the honorific MOLA shall also apply to grandsons, great grandsons, great great grandsons etc of the dai from the time that they are born. thus a male issue will be immediately addressed as MOLA baby zainuddin and so on so forth. medical personnel, such as doctors and nurses, will be so instructed to refer to the divine baby as MOLA.

what can be a more telling evidence of the divinity of our dai and his family?

more facts will unfold as deep throat gathers details...

[Al Zulfiqar]

the abde fanatics are conspicous by their absence on this thread, which is perhaps all the more poignant because they have seen the veracity of 'deep throat's reports.

so many of the 'rules' posted on this thread have been precursors to actual practices of the kothar which followed, sometimes after mere weeks, sometimes after months, and some of them have not yet been implemented, but happen they will for sure.

the authenticity and truthfulness of these reports is due to the fact that 'deep throat' is no ordinary individual in the saifee mahal hieararchy, but a highly influential potentate who is part of the HPC of the DEH (high powered committee of the dawate e hadiyah). he sits in on most secret meetings which take far-reaching decisions on the future of this community; how to tighten their grip, how to raise taxes and innovate new ones, how to create new religious rituals, traditions and dogmas, how to create ingenious stratagems based on clever deceptions on islam and bohra deen etc etc., how to glorify the dai and his family even further, formulate PR strategies and fend off their detractors.

there are those 'insiders' like progticide, adam and other kothari moles who will of course vehemently disagree and even attempt to cast aspersions on me and the 'rules', there will be a massive witch hunt, but rest assured, 'deep throat's identity is safe. no finger of suspicion will ever point at him.